When the Words Scream
by LaraIsAwkward
Summary: What happens when the mind lies and you can no longer trust the world as you see it? If your perceptions are false, how can you know anything to be true? Bella Swan's life is a nightmare; a nightmare calling itself "Alice". AH, OOC, Mature Themes
1. Prologue For She is the End

A/N:

**WARNING: This story will deal with mature and adult themes. Please, exercise caution before proceeding.  
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Before anything else, I must thank my wonderful, exceptional betas – _EchoesOfTwilight_ and _KristenLynn_. Without them, I am nothing.

The girls of the LoD – Thank you for being my inspiration, my guides and the greatest group of people, not just women, I've ever known.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never have. Never will.**

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**When the Words Scream - Prologue**

**"For She is the End"**

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"I said, shut up, Alice!" I shouted. My hands covered my ears and my eyes squeezed shut. Not that it would matter, for her voice would always sound, scream, and perforate my senses. The shrill sing-song of her tone bled into my skull, allowing no room for argument. She was here, plain as day. Her short stature was the harshest of illusions for, despite her size, she commanded my presence – owned every fiber of my being. My whole world resided within her grasp, making me an unwilling slave to her demonic, idealistic nature. Never again would I know the joys of being free.

"See, Bella? It's easy," she spoke, taking the white linen bed sheet in her hands and expertly tying it into a makeshift noose. "No one would blame you. You are _nothing_." There wasn't a single clue left that would expose the imaginary basis of her nature; her clothes ruffled and shifted with movement, her voice echoed off the walls of hell. The doctors stated she was a figment, a confirmation of my broken mind, a shattered portion of my existence. They spoke of my subconscious as if it were its own entity, separate, and defining itself through the girl standing in front of me.

"Leave me alone, Alice. I know you're not real," I said, my tone shaky and unsure. Logically, I believed she wasn't in the room with me, but my senses did nothing to dispel the awful, apparent reality. Staring in horror, I watched as she lifted the cot onto its side so it stood tall, just above my head. Her maniacal smile mocked me as she fastened the bed sheet to the metal frame; it hung at eye level between us. Knees shaking and legs quivering, my eyes burned from unshed tears as I took in the scene before me. I sat on the floor, hugging my legs to my chest, hoping she would disappear, fade into the deep recesses of my mind. Praying for her to become frustrated with my non-compliance, I rested my forehead on my bent, uncovered knee and silently screamed for her to leave. It would not matter if I shouted aloud or only in my mind – there was no escaping her.

I could only sit, frozen as I listened to her light footfalls while she paced at my feet. I needed something, anything, to make her dematerialize. However, there was no box in my mind where one could banish all things ugly and painful. Instead my head had created a figure with unspoken and unprecedented knowledge; a mirage, perfectly, with unparalleled experience in the art of breaking me down.

Alice was the manifestation of your worst parts. She was the hole in your heart when love is lost. She was the itching in your throat when you cry over a dying parent. She was the last gasp of air you take as your heart stops beating.

Like an ominous cloud, she bent at the waist and hung over me, her lips pressed to my ear. "Do it, Bella. You are no more than a nuisance to those around you, a waste of space. A hospital bill. An expense. You are the person people long to forget. They beg for you to disappear."

I could feel the light brush of her lips against my skin, the passing of air and hot breath in my ear. Her hands grasped mine as I looked up into her cold, lifeless stare. The steel, metallic irises of her eyes held nothing but conviction. Truth.

I was losing the battle with logic, quickly forgetting that she was no more than an imbalance of chemicals in my deeply disturbed brain. Acceptance and understanding washed over me like the first touch of water droplets in a warm shower. She smiled, her white teeth glinting in the dim light coming through the bar-covered windows. The street lamps outside did not act like a beacon of light guiding me to a brighter future, for they burned like fire, warning me of unsafe passage beyond their realms.

She slowly pulled me to my feet; I stared at my bare toes as my body moved without my permission. Alice maneuvered me next to the cold metal bed frame, the linen-fashioned noose illuminated by her presence. I watched as she fingered the material, causing it to sway back and forth like a bell in a church tower. I all but heard the warning chimes sound in time with the noose's motions. Just as bells inform the townspeople of time of day, the soft whisper of fabric rustling in the non-existent breeze echoed like a clock; slowly but surely sounding my last moments.

"Please, Alice, no. I can't. I don't want this," I begged as she placed the fabric over my head and tightened the material around my neck, pulling it so my feet barely grazed the floor. Tears flowed freely down my cheeks and I tried to swallow, but found the action nearly impossible. "Please."

"Stop it. You know this is for the best."

Alice ran her hand across my cheek, tracing the hard lines of bone with her cold fingers. She smiled again and nudged her shoe-covered feet next to mine.

"No, Alice."

She laughed loudly. It reverberated through my soul, chilling and unyielding in its victorious sound. Placing a hand on each of my shoulders, she brought her forehead to mine and whispered, "Don't worry, Bella. You're doing the right thing now. All of your mistakes and failures will mean nothing when it's over."

Just then, I felt her kick my feet out from under me and push down hard on my shoulders. The linen buried itself in the soft flesh of my neck, cutting off my ability to breathe. Pressure built around my eyes; it felt like someone's hands were in my skull, trying to force them out of the sockets. My face was hot, burning as the blood stopped flowing. Alice's hands were no longer on my shoulders, for she was sitting on the floor, pulling me toward her by one of my wrists. Her grip was too strong for me to free my imprisoned hand, but I brought the other up and clawed at the sheet around my neck. She held my feet in her lap with her free arm, effectively keeping me from reaching the ground. I had no leverage, no ground to stand on, much like I lacked the will to resist her simple words.

"Alice," I managed to call out, using the last bit of oxygen in my lungs. There were spots in my vision and darkness encroached around the edges. My chest and throat stung from the lack of air. My hand clawed and scratched at my face, my fingernails digging into my skin. I imagined this was what it felt like to be buried alive, slowly running out of air and completely aware. Blood was dripping down the side of my face and falling onto the floor beside me, my life's essence slipping away in more ways than one. My body jerked and twisted as I fought to get free. Reaching above my head, I latched my hand onto the metal bed frame, attempting to hold my own weight, but my lack of air left me weak. Unable to hold myself, my hand slipped and the noose pulled tighter. Darkness moved in more fully on the edges of my vision, tunneling my point of view so that it focused solely on Alice's calm face. I clamped my eyes shut, praying for the immense pressure in my skull to alleviate, to forgive.

Despite my dulled senses, I heard the sound of a doorknob turning, the noise obvious, metal cracking and popping with movement. With the realization, Alice yanked impossibly harder at my feet and wrist while I fought to hold on. I opened my eyes and looked down, seeing her furious, cold, and vengeful stare gazing directly at me. The door still wasn't open and I was out of time. I felt nothing but emptiness. I saw nothing but Alice. I heard nothing but the quiet murmur of a voice, directly outside. My muscles went limp and my eyes slid shut, losing the battle between awake and death.

"Fifteen minute checks," a voice called out from beyond the short distance from the doorway, though in my mind, it could have been miles. Opening my eyes for the last time, I glanced at the floor and Alice was gone. In her place was the small circle of light from a flashlight in the hand of the person in the hallway. They were too late and my eyes closed once more. The world was nothing but black, cold and unfeeling. Dull and lifeless. I smiled despite everything, knowing that with my ending, came the end of Alice. It was over.

"Shit! I need help! NOW! Room 207! Someone, help!"

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**A/N:** Okay, I can only imagine what you're thinking right now. And since I can only imagine, I'd love for you to tell me.

To everyone who has been involved with this process, the LoD girls, the WC's and the fandom in general – thank you. I love you.

**Necessary shout-out to Em – Thank you for showing me "her" in a new light. Without you, this wouldn't have been possible. I love you more than you can ever know. There are no words.

Again, I'd love to know what you thought.


	2. The Higher You Climb

A/N: Every story has a beginning…

Thank you to my super-beta's **EchoesOfTwilight** and **KristenLynn**. Without you both, I'd be nothing.

To the **LoD** girls, I love you all. Thank you giving me the strength to write this out and not get lost in my own memories while doing so.

To all of you that read, review and alert – I'm humbled by your words and actions. Thank you for being so supportive.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never have, never will.  
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**When the Words Scream - Chapter One**

"**The Higher You Climb"**

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"Does it feel like we've never been alive inside?

Does it seem it's only just begun?

It's only just begun."

_R-Evolve – 30 Seconds to Mars_

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_Three Months Earlier – September 12__th__, 2009_

My body was bent in half at the waist and each muscle pulled taut against my grip on the edge of the starting block. The whistle blew loudly and echoed off the walls of the aquatic center, slowly dying out as the sound waves were absorbed by the water. I channeled every ounce of strength to flow through my balanced hold on the solid square, rocking myself backwards before the moment came to propel myself into the pool.

The initial shock of the cold, chlorinated water stung my exposed skin, but I used the jolt to my advantage. Pumping my hips and legs with practiced force, I resurfaced, bringing my arms and shoulders above my head. I submerged again, dolphin kicking and keeping my head underneath the water to travel the path of least resistance. With lungs burning for air, I brought my head up with my next upstroke, gasping in oxygen before plunging back beneath the fragmented glass-like surface. I made it to the end of pool quickly, executing a near perfect flip turn. Pushing off the wall, I swam harder than ever before, knowing all of my years filled with countless hours of rigorous training were for this moment alone. My strokes were strong and calculated as I made my way back to the other end of the Olympic sized pool.

_Hit the wall, Bella._

Another perfect flip turn and I was off again. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a swimmer in the lane next to me, down by my feet. I did not chance breaking my concentration to check anyone else's position in relation to mine. Stroke after stroke, my muscles burned from the acid crawling through my veins from the grueling effort. Refusing to give up, I came out of my last flip turn, took one giant breath and dove under the choppy water once more. I was determined to finish first. I gave the last leg of the final lap all of the residual energy I could muster, digging deep into my reserves. My head stayed below the broken surface - only my shoulders, arms and legs breaking the barrier between water and air. With less than fifty meters to go, I pushed even harder.

My senses were heightened and everything seemed to move in slow motion. I could feel the pressure of the goggles against my eyes, the swim cap digging into my forehead, and most of all, the water gliding along my hairless skin. Passing the last line of flags hanging overhead, I completed two more strokes and slammed my hands into the sensor in the wall. I ripped my head out of the water and spun around, looking at the unlit scoreboard. There was loud cheering and screaming from behind me, but I couldn't find it in me to care. Nothing mattered but the words yet to appear above me.

Then, suddenly, I could hear no sound; there were only those neon lights.

**Women's 200m Butterfly**

**First Place B. Swan Lane Four 2:13:34**

**Second Place H. Nickols Lane Five 2:14:37**

**Third Place – G. Leonard Lane Six 2:14:52**

Roughly tearing off my swim cap and goggles, I yelled out in excitement while throwing my arm into the air. My body was exhausted, but adrenaline flowed like the harsh current of a waterfall through my system, and I fought for air after the excruciating swim. I awkwardly hugged the two girls in the lanes next to mine and looked to the scoreboard once more. It had all come down to this particular swim. I knew there were college recruits in the stands by the pool along with everyone important to me. As was customary, I submerged myself underwater once before swimming the short distance to the ledge to climb out. I looked up and saw none other than Edward, my best friend and teammate, waiting with his hand outstretched to help me out of the water.

"Awesome job, B! Congratulations! I knew you could do it!" Edward shouted over the crowd as he pulled me out of the water. Handing me a towel, he roughly rubbed the material over my shoulders, then handed me my warm-up jacket and pants so I could get dressed before he enveloped me in his strong arms. "So, how's it feel to place first at the big East Coast meet?"

I wrapped my arms around his lean, muscled waist, pulling him closer and resting my head on his bare chest. "There aren't words. I'm still trying to believe it. But you should know, Mr. First Place in the 200m IM…" My heart was still pounding in my chest, a combination of exhaustion, nerves and excitement. Despite the humid and heavy air, I shivered, my eyes closing in quiet reflection. After training for years, my mind raced with thoughts of the future and how the last two minutes could have changed the course forever.

"I really am proud of you, the whole team is. We all knew you could do it," he whispered into my hair and I relaxed in his arms. Nowhere in the world felt as safe as this very spot. I was perfectly content, and silently begged for the moment to never end.

"Thanks," I yawned, hiding the action with the back of my hand against my mouth. Tired, I looked up at Edward's green eyes, which shone like the brightest of jade stones even in the dim light. Pride was the obvious emotion in their depths, but his face showed trepidation and anxiety. "Nervous about the relay?"

He chuckled softly and nodded as he led us away from the pool towards the wall. Keeping one arm around my shoulders, Edward beamed as other swimmers from our team and even a few opponents came to congratulate me on my first place win. My skin hummed and my heart swelled, knowing, feeling, and embracing my accomplishment.

The first place win came with a slight inkling of shock though, as all my hard work and training didn't stop me from struggling with sleep in the past few weeks. Always the same, I would awake from the nightmare on constant replay, disoriented and confused. My dream-like state allowed for a soft, haunting, and feminine voice to speak words aloud, penetrating my sleep-induced haze. Yet the words were jumbled murmurs, lacking in sense and comprehension. Regardless of my inability to remember the specifics of the dream or the words following, I would find myself unable to sleep for some time afterwards. Uneasy and shaken, my night felt like a puzzle that could not be solved, a Rubik's cube; the equation simple, if you only knew the secret. Eventually my eyes would get heavy and I would fall back to sleep.

My silent thoughts were interrupted by the loud, wet footsteps of someone walking closer. "Bellikins! How's my fish? You were insane! Congratulations, girl! I knew you would make first!" my fellow teammate and close friend, Emmett, boomed while tossing me over his gargantuan shoulder. His voice, much like his demeanor, was commanding and larger than life. Built like a professional football player, his frame stood at over six feet tall and hardly resembled a swimmer. Even still, he managed to maneuver his way through the water with incredible force, making him one of the fastest swimmers on the team, second only to Edward.

"Emmett," I chuckled, hitting my fists against his back, "put me down."

"Not until you say you'll do it."

"Come on, Em! There are too many people around!"

"Emmett, this is the East Coast meet, man…" Edward started, "you really aren't going to do this here, are you?"

"I don't care where we are! She has to do it," Emmett said as he set me down on my feet and squished my face between his hands.

Latching my fingers around each of his thick wrists, I tried to pull his hands away from my cheeks. The effort was pointless.

"Be-llaa…" Emmett sing-songed as he loosened his grip on my skin.

"Fine!"

Emmett pushed my cheeks together tightly, causing my vision to blur and my mouth to form a misshapen hourglass. "Now, repeat after me." Edward laughed in the background and I could see him shaking his head in disbelief. I didn't blame him.

"I'm a guppy." Emmett looked directly into my squinted eyes.

"Imuhguhpeah" I heard Edward's light footsteps as he moved to where I could no longer see him.

"Guppies don't smile."

"Guhpeahsdunsmieh" Edward's deep chuckles sounded from behind me, and Emmett grinned. Shaking his head, his face turned serious.

"But I do."

"Buheyeduh." Emmett nodded and I mirrored the action.

"Now smile." And I did. The movement caused the edges of my lips to dip under the puffed out flesh of my cheeks and my eyes to close. I could feel deep ridges in my forehead, the skin raw from its earlier abuse under my swim cap, and burning from the pressure.

"Guppiella! There you are!" Emmett shouted, the words bouncing off the blue tiled walls and attracting the attention of several swimmers nearby. Edward moved back into my line of sight and as his eyes met my distorted face, he broke out into chuckles. The defined muscles of his bare abdomen danced before he bent over to rest his hands on his knees. I tried not to stare. Emmett released my face from his grasp and I opened my mouth wide several times to stretch my sore jaw.

"Not your best look, B," Edward teased, still laughing at me along with a few other swimmers.

"Yeah Edward? And what would you know about my best look, huh?" My voice was small, quiet, and angry as I snapped in embarrassment from the unwanted attention. Edward knew I was less than comfortable with my personal appearance. He often told me I looked as if I wanted to crawl out of my own skin. I didn't think he knew how right he was.

I was nothing special. Yes, I was smart, that I could admit with no difficulty. But when it came to my physical features, I knew I lacked anything remotely attractive. I was mousy, despite my rigorous training for swimming. I didn't have defined musculature or feminine curves. A late bloomer, my breasts were small, contrasted by my broad shoulders, and I knew that most boys my age were attracted to someone with a body the polar opposite of what mine had to offer. Bony features, plain brown hair, and bland brown eyes - combined with my awkward demeanor and uncoordinated tendencies - made it impossible for me to appeal to anyone of the opposite sex.

Edward was always supportive of my shy and somewhat reclusive nature, regardless of his level of comprehension. Whether it be handing me my clothes as soon as I got out of the water once I completed a race or defending me against my fellow teammates when they made fun of me because I swam in a thin sweatshirt and shorts during practice, he just understood. He did his best to keep me out of the spotlight, while still managing to reinforce my – in his opinion – extraordinary qualities. Edward tried countless times to extract me from my shell, but I was too firmly cocooned within it. My walls were carefully crafted, and he was the only person I let past the barrier in any capacity. Emmett tried his best, and I trusted him with my life, but it was Edward to whom I was closest. My protector, my savior, and my salvation, all wrapped in the swimmer's ideal physique.

Edward knew me well enough to look sheepish when he apologized. "Sorry, Bella. I didn't mean it like that."

"Guppiella, Edward and I know your best look even though he's too chicken-shit to admit it." Emmett poked him in ribs and Edward shot him a warning glance. "Remember Halloween, Edward? The Guppy was hot! I mean, gun-toting, badass kinda hot. Not that I think of you like that, 'cuz that'd be gross… like fantasizing about your sister, gross. Oh, what was that chick's name? She's from Resident Evil, right?" Emmett questioned, smirking at Edward whose ears turned pink.

"Alice," Edward whispered, looking at his bare feet and dragging his toes through a small puddle.

"That's right! God, that was a good night. Everyone was staring at you, B."

"Yeah, right," I scoffed, bothered by the indirect teasing. I gestured to the now empty space around us, "Because I'm always rolling in admirers!"

"You'd be surprised," Edward mumbled, the words nearly muted by the crackling announcement over the loudspeaker, calling for the next swimmers to approach the deck.

I wanted to say something, to remind Edward who and what he was talking about, but I was interrupted by the final announcement.

"Last call, men's 200 meter breaststroke! All swimmers please approach the deck!"

"That would be me!" Emmett called out, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Breaststrokers unite!" He pinched my cheeks and clapped Edward on the shoulder twice before walking towards his lane.

"Give 'em hell, Em!" I shouted out to his retreating form and he spun around to give us the true New Jersey fistpump.

"Gotta represent! N-J in the house!" Emmett bellowed, pulling on his swim cap and both Edward and I laughed, shaking our heads.

"Come on, B." Edward moved behind me and put his hands on my shoulders. "Let's go cheer him on. That boy needs all the help he can get."

I took both of his hands in mine and spun to face him. Giving him a small smile, I answered with a nod and we made our way toward the edge of the pool.

x-x-x

"Come on Newton! Push it! Come on!" I screamed, my voice bleeding into elevated decibels, warping itself to a blended myriad of sound, for the other swimmers were cheering on their teammates. "Almost there! Do it!"

Mike Newton was the third swimmer in our men's 200m free relay team and I watched with trepidation as he reached the halfway mark on his return lap. He was tied with a swimmer in the next lane and I could tell he was exhausted, slowly losing momentum as he raced through the water. Emmett had swam in the starter position for this relay and he stood next to me, dripping wet and yelling for Newton to give it his all. Tearing my gaze momentarily from the pool, Emmett met my anxious stare. We both knew that Edward's future rested on his performance as anchor.

"He'll make it, Guppy. No one swims like him. Just…stay positive," Emmett uncharacteristically whispered next to my ear. Slapping his hand on my back, he gripped me tighter in support, knowing I was terrified for Edward.

Freestyle was Edward's specialty. He was built for this swim; broad shoulders, a streamlined torso, perfectly designed to cut through the water like an arrow piercing its target. His slim, proportional hips gave way to powerful thighs and calves, their definition like hills and valleys beneath his skin. We all knew he was the epitome of swimmer; carved from stone and yet as smooth as silk. Even with all of his perfection, he had competition in the last leg of this race. The swimmer in the lane next to Edward's - on the platform on our right - was the only male in the meet with a practice time faster than his.

Water dripped down my arms underneath my warm-up jacket as I stood to the left of the starting block, watching Edward prepare to swim. His toes gripped the edge of the gritty surface as he leaned forward, swinging his arms wildly to stretch his shoulders. He moved forward even farther, seeing Mike's approach. Edward arms hung loosely in front of him for a moment, and he adjusted his legs on the block. Strong muscles twitched in anticipation, eager, needing movement like our bodies needed air. His black jammers fit like a second skin, melting into each individual contour of his lower half up to his knees and stood out in sharp contrast to his alabaster skin.

He adjusted his goggles and snapped the strands, the subtle yet telltale sign to pull me closer to the pool; it was my responsibility to inform him when to dive. We had an understanding. Edward would keep his focus on the water, his eyes trained on his point of entry. He said he waited for my voice to say when to go, he claimed it made a split second difference - my voice was his whistle, his green light. Even though he said this, I knew Edward would keep his arms tensed but his fingers would point like a puppeteer holding the handle of a marionette's strings, invisibly pulling Mike to the wall.

I inched closer to the edge, my eyes fixated on the spot I knew Mike's hand was bound to hit within seconds; he'd just past the last line of flags. He had fallen a half second behind the other swimmer; we were in second place. Three more strokes and he'd hit the wall.

Edward tensed like a cobra ready to strike, bringing one foot higher up the block's incline, minutely shifting his weight to rest on his back leg. He touched his fingertips to his toes, the tendons of his body tightening and flexing as he prepared to dive in at the perfect moment. The swimmer ahead of Mike had hit the wall and the other team's anchor took off the block - the only swimmer that proved a worthy adversary, and his head start had my chest in knots. I couldn't afford distractions, so I kept my eyes trained on the wall as Mike's white hand materialized against the black sensor.

"Go!" I projected against the screams and cheers around us, knowing Edward listened for my voice alone amongst a sea of chaotic sounds.

Edward took off like a missile, flying into the air and following pre-programmed coordinates to hit his target with unparalleled precision. He kicked his legs once midair, gaining height and distance before his body entered the choppy water with a refined grace, barely making a splash. Disappearing below the surface, he kept his arms above his head, his hands cutting the water like a spear as his legs pumped in a blur of movement. He'd reached halfway, breaking from water to air at the black line painted on the bottom of the pool; the warning to all, reminding them of the rules. One other team had already been disqualified due to their negligent behavior, ignoring the line and remaining underwater.

"Come on Bullet, move that ass! Punch it, bro!" Emmett screamed from behind me, and I shifted to the side so Mike could climb out of the pool.

I patted him on the back once, knowing from the look on his face that he believed himself a failure, recognizing he could have cost us the race. That didn't matter; the only thing in the world was Edward pounding stroke after stroke in his lane in front of me. I moved my feet closer to the side of the pool, my toes curling around the metal barrier between tile and slight drop to the drain below. Edward had yet to resurface for air, his arms spinning faster than my eyes could register, his hands slicing the water and propelling him forward. I stopped breathing.

He'd reached his opponent's legs.

They were side by side.

Flip turn.

Edward was nicknamed "Bullet" for a reason.

He pushed off the wall with great force, underwater once more until he reached the first line of flags overhead. This was it. The swimmer next to him resurfaced a head too early; a smile pulled at my lips. I bent my knees, getting as close to eye level with the pool as possible. The dark color of his swim cap appeared just as one hand shot out of the water, his head cocked to the side against his shoulder, taking a breath, and I knew it would be the last time Edward's lungs felt air until his hands reached the wall at my feet.

Hands curved in perfect C's and shoulders shattering the surface, the water followed Edward in an arc, bending to his will, ever his slave. He manipulated the texture, proving with his every gesture that he was its equal; he belonged as a permanent fixture within its depths. Grace, confidence, and sheer power poured out of him with the slightest movement, his technique flawless.

Edward was still ahead by a second, and in the world of competitive swimming, a mere second perfectly translated into a universal language as miles. He passed the halfway mark once again with nothing in his way. There was only the water, and they moved in symphonic harmony.

"Come on, come on, Edward, you have this…push it," I mumbled tightly under my breath, my skin stretching from dried chlorine on my skin.

Emmett moved directly behind me to put his hands on my shoulders, and when I looked back, I saw his face was red from screaming. I could hear no sound other than the lapping of displaced water against the wall in front of me.

"Bring it home!" I yelled, knowing Edward was almost here; his body clearly outlined despite the water's distorted mirror.

Stroke.

Stroke.

The last line of flags passed in a whirlwind of color and strength.

Stroke.

Stoke.

_Slam_.

Like a wave crashing into the sand, Edward's hand hit the sensor with a force only nature could counter.

Time stopped.

"New record, Edward Masen, 51:41!" The news sounded over the loudspeaker and Edward's face turned toward me, shocked, his chest heaving, creating small ripples in the water around him.

Not only did he grab our team first place in the relay, he broke his personal best for both meets and practice.

More importantly, Edward just decimated the United States men's pre-collegiate record for 100m freestyle by one second.

His hand was still pressed against the wall and I reached out to grab it in my own. Edward removed his goggles and looked directly into my eyes, his gaze intense, ecstatic-- euphoric.

"What do I always say, B?"

I lived for this routine. "You start it, Edward. You know that," I reminded him. This never failed to happen after each one of his races.

His eyes danced. With a smirk he started, "For every second I travel, it takes me a mile…"

"Don't mind the distance, I'll return to your smile."

He leaned forward and kissed the back of my hand; I smiled, just like he knew I would...just like I always did.

x-x-x

Edward, Emmett, and I sat with the entire team as we quietly celebrated our third place finish. Regardless of our non-first place standing, we all were ecstatic at our position in the meet; we took home first place in a multitude of races. Excitement, contentment, and pride were palpable in the air around us. We were all still flying on potent cocktails of adrenaline and serotonin after competing with some of the best up-and-coming swimmers in the eastern half of the country. In our group of twenty-three, there wasn't a single individual without a huge, satisfied grin. While we weren't all proud to be from New Jersey, the honor of swimming for the Waves was an accomplishment, one that most people never experience. Our training schedule had been particularly grueling in the last month to condition us for this specific meet.

Edward had his hands casually draped over my shoulders as I sat in between his outstretched legs, his feet planted on either side of me from the bleacher above. He leaned in closer to address me and not the entire team. The gesture was appreciated. I wasn't known for my public speaking abilities, even if they were people I interacted with everyday.

"Where are your parents?" Edward asked, absentmindedly playing with a loose string at the bottom of his jacket.

I laughed. "Probably with yours. You know that. They were sitting together. You should have seen their faces when you broke that record. Have I told you how proud I am of you?"

"Only about forty times in the last ten minutes," he teased, a wicked smirk on his face. No matter the expression he wore, his features always carried the undercurrent of magnificence. "But don't think I've forgotten about you because of it, B. You know I'm ridiculously happy for you. I won't say I'm impressed because I knew you could do it. Are you excited for the trip away with the team?"

The team retreat was at the end of the month, a chance to unwind before the impending start of the high school swim season, and before all of the seniors had to worrying about college. From what I understood, the long weekend with the team was also a chance to get to know one another better, to grow closer to your teammates and a way to help the new additions feel comfortable. Edward had gone the year before, but since I hadn't joined the team until October, the opportunity passed me by. He had been relentless in his attempts to get me to try out for months, until one day I finally gave in, unable to refuse him of anything when he begged. I figured I had nothing to lose except pride. Much to my surprise, they offered me a spot the same day as my trial.

"I guess so." I shrugged and looked at the bleacher seat below me. "I'm not good at that kinda stuff, Edward. Maybe I should just stay home…" I started but was interrupted.

"Masen! Swan! Can I see you two for a minute, please?" Coach Uley called from the pool deck.

"Sure Coach, be right down," Edward shouted back and he grabbed both of our bags.

"Good luck guys," Emmett said and I couldn't understand why. I wondered if Coach Uley called us out specifically to talk about our times during the meet, but I couldn't imagine why he would need the two of us specifically rather than address the whole team at once.

Shrugging my shoulders, I followed Edward down the bleachers, trying to match his footsteps and remain upright. It would have been just my luck if I had fallen down in front of everyone now. We made our way down to the pool deck, and Coach simply signaled for us to follow him.

We left the pool area and walked through the locker room until we stopped outside of the athletic office door. With his hand on the doorknob, Coach turned around and took a deep breath.

"Before you go in there, I just wanted to say how honored I am to have worked with you both. You have incredible talent. Are either of you interested in collegiate swimming?" Both Edward and I nodded, him more enthusiastically than me. "Good. I'll be out here if you need me at any time. If not, I'll see you in a bit," he said cryptically as he opened the door, standing off to the side so we could pass.

I was shaking with nerves as we walked into the office, unsure of what waited inside. Could it be the one of the officials from the meet telling us that we had reason to be disqualified? What if the hand sensors weren't calibrated and they were going to tell Edward that his record didn't count? My nerves grew with each passing second to near hysteria, my breath moving too quickly past my lips. Edward put his hand on the small of my back and tapped lightly to get my attention. Looking at him, his gaze told me to calm down; he knew me too well. I shot him a small, panicked smile as he pointed to my left. I turned and saw a man standing in the corner, seeming all too amused at the situation.

"Hello, you two. Please, do come in and have a seat. Before we start, I must ask, do you know who I am?" he inquired, sounding genuinely happy. Edward and I sat down in the seats across from a large desk as we shook our heads. "Silly me, but of course you don't! Allow me to explain. My name is Aro Leone and I must say, I am happy to meet you both in person, finally. I've heard so much about you, but until I saw you two in action, in your natural habitat it would seem, I had a hard time believing what I'd heard. So, when I watched you perform this afternoon, I was pleasantly surprised and ecstatic when I discovered your descriptions do not do you justice."

Aro was a strange character, seemingly playing both the part of the King and the court jester; he was commanding in presence, yet his tone felt playful, amused. He sat down on the other side of the desk, folded his hands, and placed them on the surface of the wood. Quirking his head to the side slightly, he addressed us again.

"I am correct in assuming you both are interested in continuing to swim throughout college, am I not?"

"Yes, definitely, sir," Edward answered. I could tell he was trying to appear calm, but I watched as his hands twisted and gave away his nerves. Aro looked over at me and I nodded in return.

"Well, in that case, allow me to explain. You see, I pride myself on being a collector of great talent, and that is what you both are. Currently, I am the coach of Stanford University's swim team. We have the reputation of being one of the top schools for collegiate swimmers. Our team thrives because we are comprised of the some of the best natural talent the sport has ever seen. Which, my darlings, is why I am here today. I would be delighted if you would join us next fall on a full athletic scholarship. Stanford University would be honored if you both swam for our team," he paused. My eyes were wide with shock as I snuck a glance over at Edward and watched as his pulse accelerated. His breaths were short and fast. It was as if my mind was a now-blank slate; all previous ramblings erased with the simple swipe of words. I watched Edward's Adam's apple bob up and down once before I turned my gaze back to Aro.

"Well," he continued, a blinding smile on his face. "I imagine this is a lot to take in. You've had quite a day. On this desk you'll find information to go over with your families in regards to the offer I just presented. Attached to the envelope is my card. I'll anxiously await your decision."

Edward and I sat in a stunned silence, completely still and in a daze. The opportunity of a lifetime sat beneath this man's fingertips. Minutes passed without any further conversation before Aro looked at his watch.

"Well, I must admit, this has been a pleasure but I really must be going. Champions cannot breed themselves and I need to get back to California. Please consider my offer." With his final sentence, everyone in the room stood. Aro walked around the side of the desk and shook both Edward's and my hand, speaking again of how much he wished for us to join him on the team while handing us both a folder. We thanked him profusely and watched him walk out of the room, taking all of the air with him.

"Did that just happen?" Edward whispered and I couldn't contain my excitement any longer.

"Yes!" I shouted, bouncing on the balls of my feet.

Edward turned his body towards me, dropping the folder on the floor and opened his arms. With an excited and nervous laugh, I leapt into his embrace, wrapping myself around him tightly. He held me, chuckling in my ear and spun us around in a circle.

"Bella…I…I…" he stammered, still holding me off the floor. Being in his arms felt indescribable, as did the knowledge that I may not have to be separated from him. The combination was intoxicating; I was drunk off the scent of chlorine, apples, and spice. I never had to let him go.

"I know, Edward. I know."

"Alright, we need to get out of here, B. Dinner. Tonight. Both of our parents," he spat out swiftly and placed me back on my feet. Momentarily disappointed in the loss of his arms around me, I grabbed his folder from the floor and took his hand in mine. With his gaze on our intertwined hands, I pulled the connection to get his attention.

"Well?" I asked, widening my eyes and staring into his. "What are you waiting for? We've got parents to convince!" We practically ran out of the office.

"California! Here we come!" Edward's deep, hypnotizing laughter echoed off the metal of the lockers and reverberated in my chest. The sound vibrated and massaged my soul, opening my eyes to the possibility of what used to seem an unimaginable future. The next few years played behind my eyelids, pictures of my greatest passions pieced together in a perfect snapshot; the water, the ever-shining sun and, of course, there was Edward.

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**A/N:**

When was the last time you felt on top of the world?

I'd love to know what you think so far. If you feel up to it, click the little button and tell me.

Until next time…

~ L ~


	3. The Farther You Fall

A/N:

**WARNING: This story deals with mature themes. Please read at your own discretion. **

_I must thank my betas EchoesOfTwilight and KristenLynn. Ladies, if not for you, I'd be lost, thank you. To my prereaders lexiecullen17 and ilbelmondo, thank you for the insight and support, you're incredible. My cheerleader/pre-reader/wife ilsuocantante, truly, my love, for you… there are no words. _

_To my reviewers and lurkers, thank you for taking the time to read the words I've written. It means more than you'll ever know. _

More at the bottom.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never have. Never will. **

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**When the Words Scream - Chapter Two**

"**The Farther You Fall"**

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"It's not what it seems,

Not what you think.

No, I must be dreaming.

It's only in my mind.

Not real life.

No, I must be dreaming."

_I Must Be Dreaming – Evanescence _

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_September 12__th__, 2009 _

"California, huh? That's pretty far, Bells. Are you sure that's what you want?" my father, Charlie, asked from across the table in the little Italian restaurant.

I knew that for my family at least, the distance between our small northern New Jersey town and California would be the major issue in Edward's and my dream plan. My parents and I had always been close; our relationship was strong, communicative, and so unlike the ones I saw my teammates having with their families. Regardless of whether or not I was biologically my parents' child, I'd never known anything but the love of Charlie and Renee. Not once did I question our bond simply because I wasn't genetically comprised of both of them; genetics does not make one a parent. I was adopted at age nine from Atlantic City, New Jersey after my biological mother found herself unfit to offer me the world and turned me over to the state. My memories from that time were few and far between, and I didn't dig within the recesses of my mind to look for them.

Unlike so many older children that end up in the system, I was fortunate enough to only spend one year in foster care before Charlie and Renee brought me into their home. With the proper testing, we'd discovered that I was quite advanced despite my never having formally attended school, and this led to me skipping fifth and sixth grade entirely. When I was placed with the seventh grade class, I'd been assigned to shadow Edward through his schedule, and we'd been close friends ever since. Lucky for me, Edward didn't see me as the "freak" so many of my classmates did; he treated me like just another student, even though I was nearly two years his junior.

"Sweetheart," my mother started, her elbows resting on the table and her chin on her folded hands. "Are you sure you don't want to look around first? I mean, this isn't your only choice. There are plenty of schools on the east coast. Why not apply to some of the schools we went to visit last year? If you were close to home, you could have your friends nearby…"

My parents were worried- rightfully so, as I'd never been one to make friends easily. I had always been painfully shy, choosing to lose myself in homework and extra credit projects I'd requested from my teachers rather than engage with my peers.

"Mom, let's be honest. You and I both know that I don't have any friends here," I said, my head down in personal failure; they always wished I was more outgoing. Edward cleared his throat next to me. "Well, except Edward. In fact, if Edward goes to Stanford and I end up somewhere around here, I won't know a single person! But, even more than that, this is an incredible opportunity. Stanford is one of the best schools in the entire country, and also, their team has such a reputation. I want to be a part of that. Mom, Dad, I want to be a part of something great. It'll give me a chance to be someone new."

Edward shifted in his seat and leaned forward, commanding the attention of everyone at the table. "Listen, Mr. and Mrs. Swan, I know you're worried about Bella being so far away, but I promise I'll look out for her. Plus, she'll have a whole new team of people to spend time with. I'm sure that she'll make friends with some of them. You've seen the practice schedule. Both of us will be forced to interact with our teammates everyday. Look at Bella and Emmett. If it weren't for the team, we never would have met him and they're pretty close. So, between classes and practice, there will be plenty of opportunities for her to break out of her shell," Edward said and my heart leapt in my chest. I often wondered how I was so lucky to have someone as incredible as him watching out for me.

"Speaking of schedule," Edward's father, Edward Sr., interjected and his strong voice carried through the air with authority. "I'm concerned you won't have enough time for your studies with the amount of time you're obligated to spend in training. I understand that swimming is your passion, son, but I can't help but wonder if it will take away from your academics."

Edward was about to speak up when my father interrupted. "It's true. I am worried about this too. Bella, do you understand how difficult Stanford will be? That is a challenging school for students who aren't involved with extracurricular activities. How can you be sure that you'll maintain your grades while needing to practice so much? Will you be able to manage your time properly?"

I sucked my lips into my mouth, and my teeth embedded themselves in the soft tissue to stifle my laughter. Edward threw a hand over his mouth and nose, but I could see his shoulders shaking in restraint, like grasping a wind-up toy in your palm instead of allowing its rightful movement on a surface.

"Charlie, you can't be serious?" my mother asked, eyes wide.

"What? It's a legitimate worry!" My father answered, looking directly at my mother.

Edward broke his falsely calm, horribly crafted façade, and burst into hysterical laughter. "You're kidding right? Everyone here knows that the color-coded queen would never forget to schedule time for studying! Charlie, she sets aside time for everything, even phone calls to me! I've never known anyone as organized as Bella. I'd be more worried about me than her!" Edward laughed, his eyes dancing and squinting at the corners.

He was absolutely right in his assessment of my habits. Ever since I was twelve and I had been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, my schedule had been written down, perfectly categorized into a day planner. My parents had insisted I go to a time-management counselor when I struggled with disorganization. At the time, I'd frequently shown up to school having forgotten my homework, textbooks, and various items I'd need to get through the day successfully. There was never a question in my comprehension of material, or even if I had done my assignments, I'd simply been pre-occupied the night before and left them in odd places as my mind jumped from one project to the next. Through several sessions with the counselor, I'd learned to plan out my days in advance as a way to ensure I never forgot anything. Unfortunately, it became a necessity as I got older, my responsibilities increased, and my days became more hectic.

"Okay, I guess you're right…"my father trailed off, turning to my mother and they spoke in hushed tones I couldn't hear.

"Pumpkin," Edward's mother, Elizabeth, started, and he cringed, despising the nickname. "Is this really what you want for your life?" Her gaze fixed directly on Edward's face, emphasizing the magnitude of her question.

"Yes," Edward answered simply.

"Okay then, sweetie. Why don't you and Bella go outside for a bit so us adults can talk about this for a few minutes. Dinner will be here soon so… don't go too far," she said and her voice cracked at the end. Both Edward and I looked at each other, knowing that her last statement was more than just a simple concern about the possibility of our food getting cold.

I stood, staring at both of my parents and whispered, "I really want this. Please, just…know that's what I want. I promise I won't disappoint you." Edward grabbed my hand and we weaved through the sea of tables as we made our way to the front door.

The warm summer air drifted over my shoulders in a soft brush, its light yet humid feel welcome, and helped to calm my nerves. Letting my hand drop, Edward gestured to a wooden bench beneath an awning lit with hundreds of twinkling white lights hanging on a wire frame. Their glow seeped into the starry night above us as we took a seat, the wood creaking under our combined weight. I let out a deep breath as I rested my elbows on my knees and leaned forward, my feet tapping on the slate tiles covering the dirt below.

Looking down, I put my head in my palm. "Edward, I'm really nervous. What if they say no?" My voice trembled, the magnitude of the combined decision being made inside shook my foundation; the structure of my future lie above an active fault line, the answer was responsible for whether I would remain intact or crumble into millions of broken pieces on the ground.

"B, they know how important this is to you," Edward spoke softly and lifted his arm between us, moving toward my shoulder only to place it back down. Dropping his head next to mine, he continued, "you know that they only want what's best for you. It's not like you didn't know they'd be nervous about this. Hell, they'd be terrified if you went to school five minutes away!"

We laughed and I leaned over to bump my shoulder into his, acknowledging his attempt to soothe my nerves. "Well, I guess you're right. Sorry for being so..." I trailed off, waving my hand in the open air. He chuckled and turned his body toward mine.

"Don't worry about being," he mimicked my earlier motion. "...I get it. To be honest, I'm nervous too. But, I also know that they're going to decide whatever it is that they're going to decide, and there isn't anything I can do to change it. I might as well not worry about it. It will be what it will be."

I was quiet, anxious, and unsure if Edward felt the same way I did about the end result. If I was being honest, the acceptance to Stanford cemented my chance to stay with him through college. Should my parents choose otherwise, I'd be forced to attend a school without the comfort of him. My body went rigid thinking of having to meet new people without the aid of Edward by my side. He was my constant - an ever-present stepping stone, allowing all of my subsequent footfalls to remain sure, confident, and smooth, regardless of life's rocky terrain.

"Whoa, B." Edward interrupted. "I see the hamsters are frantically running on their wheels in that head of yours. Come, join the land of the conscious, will you?"

"Sure, yeah. Sorry about that." I smiled sheepishly. I adjusted my position on the bench to face him, my knee bent between us as I looked into his dancing irises. "What's up?"

"Nice, B. Anyway, I wanted to remind you about tomorrow. You still up for it?"

"Definitely. Messing around with you and Emmett at the pool without having to actually practice? I wouldn't miss that."

"Oh yeah, and don't forget, we're going to the swim club before they close for the season. You know, diving boards, several pools without lanes." He chuckled and moved his face in close to mine, staring directly in my eyes and shifted his features into a serious expression. "They even have a kiddie pool just for you."

I mock-pouted and punched him in the shoulder as he laughed hysterically. "Jerk! You know better than anyone I don't need a damn kiddie pool. Ass."

"Such language for someone your age. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Screw you, Edward. You turned eighteen in June, not forty."

"Yes, but you don't turn sixteen until tomorrow, thus giving me permission to tease you until then. So, ha! Do you need me to buy you a lottery ticket? Perhaps some por--"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Edward Masen!" I interrupted. "What you need to do is buy yourself some duct tape for your mouth."

Our laughter drifted into a comfortable silence that spanned several minutes; an air of contentment I'd yet to find anywhere else acted as another body on the outdoor patio with us - tangible, solid, and pulsing with a melodic heartbeat.

"I think we should head inside. We've been out here a while." Edward spoke in a hushed tone that blended with the summer air.

"Oh, yeah. Let's go." Edward stood up and reached out his hand.

"You coming with me?" I wove our hands together.

_Always_, my mind promised. My mouth said, "I'm right behind you."

We walked through the entrance with intent, maneuvering past unevenly spaced tables scattered like stones in the path of a river's current, our destination directly ahead. I looked at both sets of parents, hoping that at least one of their faces would read like an open book, a '"yes" or "no" scrawled in tightened muscles on a forehead or cheeks. Expressionless faces, unfocused gazes, and the sound of metal scraping porcelain welcomed our approach to the table. Aromatic air was dense with the weight of words unspoken; my shallow breaths shattered the unrevealing space. Edward's hand gripped mine tighter, and I looked at him in silent understanding. This was it.

Elizabeth glanced up from her barely touched plate. "The food came while you both were still outside, so please, sit down and eat."

Edward sat down in his seat as I remained standing, my feet frozen in place. I needed an answer, the tension tangible.

"Bella, sit down," my father spoke, his voice clipped. "You've had a long day, you need the energy." I sat down slowly. My body felt heavy, the word "energy" rested uncomfortably in my throat and I wondered if it meant I was to prepare for difficult news. Steeling myself for the worst, I placed my napkin in my lap and pushed the food around on the plate in front of me, my appetite nonexistent.

Several minutes passed with only the familiar sounds of chewing and silverware flowing across the table. Edward and I stole sidelong glances at each other, our eyes filled with questions, receiving no answers but the eerie quiet of our audience.

"Elephant!" I blurted out, slamming my hands on the table and staring at the contents on my plate.

"Excuse me?" my mother asked and Edward covered his mouth with a napkin to hide his laughter.

"I said, elephant. You know, the thing we're not talking about? Listen, I understand this is a big decision, but you should just give us the answer. Torturing us like this is ridiculous and unfair. So, what is it? Are you letting Edward go and not me? Are we both looking for schools since we need to turn down this option? What is it?"

Edward Sr. stood up at the table and everyone's eyes shot to his. With his glass raised, he took a deep breath. "To Stanford."

"Really?" Edward asked and my mouth dropped open in shock. His father nodded once.

"Mom? Dad?" I whispered, gazing directly at their smiling faces.

"Yes, Bella," my mother said, her tone heartfelt. "If this is what you want…"

"Oh my God, yes!" I ran over to my parents and enveloped them both in a hug, softly saying "thank you," in their ears, while Edward did the same.

"Bella?" Edward called out to me, his voice was tense, excited, and full of emotion. I ran to him, my arms outstretched, wanting nothing more than to share this moment with him. The first of many I would share over the next five years. He wrapped me in his warm embrace and I felt his heart racing against mine, the beat of a march as we took a giant step toward our future.

Elation filled my bones and I all but grew wings beneath Edward's hands on my shoulder blades. His hands moved to lock around my lower back and he lifted me off the floor to spin us in a circle. When he placed me back on my feet, he kept his arms around me and I rested my head on his chest, silently reveling in my emotive cage.

"I can't believe this is happening," Edward muttered into my hair. "It feels like a dream."

I was just about to explain that he most certainly wasn't dreaming, that this is what it felt like when dreams came true, but my father interrupted the moment. "There are stipulations to our decision, kids. Sit down. We need to be on the same page here." Edward and I took our seats and my feet tapped excitedly under the table.

"First and foremost," my father started as he leaned over the table. "Both the Masens along with your mother and I are coming out to California with you a few days before you move in. Bella, I know that there are certain logistics we need to work out in regards to your age since you'll be under eighteen when you start. Also, we want to make sure you are comfortable with your decision. If you wanted to back out, we'd be happy to bring you home."

"The same goes for you too, Edward," Elizabeth added, and both Edward and I nodded.

"More importantly, should your schoolwork be impacted by swimming at all, whether it is both of you or just one, you will be required to quit the team, academic scholarship or not. You are going to college, not swim camp," Edward Sr. chimed in.

"Okay, yeah, that makes sense," Edward agreed. We shared a look of nervousness for a moment; neither of us wanted that to happen.

"We expect phone calls from you both," my mother choked out, her eyes filling with unshed tears. "You can't forget about us."

"Oh Renee, don't start. You know I won't be able to stop if you do," Elizabeth said, her own eyes getting watery.

"Alright, alright," I interjected, waving my hands in the air. "Stop it. We'll call, we'll text, we'll be responsible. Can we eat now? I'm starving!"

The table erupted in laughter and we all turned back to our plates, the rest of dinner filled with conversations about Edward's and my earlier successes at the meet.

x-x-x

"Hey Mom, Dad?" I asked, my hand over my mouth to stifle a yawn. "I'm just going to head upstairs and go to bed. You don't mind do you? Can we save the rest of the college requirements for another day? I mean, we've got a year…"

"Sure, Bells," My dad laughed out, his shoulder shaking. "Why don't you head to bed and we'll talk another time. Goodnight, kiddo."

I hugged him, taking in the smell of leather, wood, and the faint hint of fish. "I love you. Thank you again."

His arms squeezed me tighter before letting go and holding my shoulders at arm's length. "I love you, too."

I moved away to embrace my mother. I love you, Mom. Thank you, too."

She too, held me tighter with my words and whispered, "I love you."

Making my way to the stairs, I gripped the banister before turning around. I looked at them both over my shoulder. "I love you both. Oh, and Dad? You smell like fish!" I ran up the stairs, listening to my mother scold my father for never washing his jacket.

Once in my room, I quickly changed into my pajamas, and dug out my cell phone from my pants pocket on the floor. The charger port was next to me on the nightstand, and I plugged in my phone before crawling into bed.

"Shit!" I exclaimed and grabbed the phone, pressing the number two down.

"Hello?" Edward's groggy voice came through the speaker.

"Hey, sorry to bug you, but what time are you picking me up tomorrow?"

"Around two. Is that okay?"

"Yep. Sounds good. Goodnight Edward."

He laughed. "That wasn't in your planner, B?" he teased.

"_Goodnight_ Edward."

"Goodnight. See you tomorrow. Sweet dreams."

"You too."

With the phone back in its charger, my head hit the pillow with a contented sigh and a bright smile. My last thought before I succumbed to sleep were ones of palm trees, the smell of sunshine, and Edward's deep laughter.

x-x-x

_The smell of stale air struck in an overpowering wave as I walked into my house. Everything appeared as it should, as I left it, but I knew differently. There was no movement, no outward sound; only the deafening roar of my blood pumping in my ears. I tiptoed carefully down the hallway toward the kitchen, my muscles and nerves on edge. Like playing hide and seek, my body anticipated the sudden appearance of someone, something. I took heaving, deep breaths to fill my empty lungs and continued down the hall. There was no light within the house; no lamps, no sunlight. I remembered that it was only noon when I came in. Moving through the darkness, I paused outside of the kitchen, resting my head against the doorframe and tried to calm my heartbeat as it was pounding harder than I had ever experienced while awake. After a short moment, I flipped on the kitchen light, just as I always did; this was my ever-present nightmare, the images familiar and unwanted. "Mom?" I called out unnecessarily. Knowing what I was to find, I shifted my glance from eye-level to the floor. _

_Regardless of how often I dreamt this dream, I was always assaulted by the horrific scene that lay before me; I could do nothing to dispel the image. My mother's body lay broken and bleeding, torn and shattered, her face frozen in silent scream on the floor. Running to her side and dropping to my knees, I threw myself over her cold, lifeless corpse. My mouth was sealed shut and my mind was screaming; I had no voice, like no one ever does when within the confines of a nightmare. _

_I looked at my mother's body more closely, noting the symmetrical slits marring her pale skin. Each gaping line was of a perfect straight edge and none were of the same size. Odd, I thought quickly, as no one object could have inflicted this amount of damage to flesh. The bleeding gashes were in sets of five, and all only a finger width apart. I went to brush the blood-soaked hair away from her anguished features, only to find myself carving more cuts into her forehead and cheeks. Confused, I glanced at my hands and discovered the source of my earlier confusion. Razorblades of varying lengths replaced the whirls of fingerprints down the length of my hands. The sharpened metal travelled the paths of my veins, using them as a guide, fine points imbedded dull side down in my skin. With even the slightest touch, my hands would be nothing but weapons, perfectly designed to draw life from another. _

_The knowledge that I might have been the driving force behind my mother's mangled appearance clasped around my heart and nearly ripped it from my chest. I took one heavy breath and wrapped each hand around its opposite wrist, my elbows pointing directly out in front of me. My death-wielding fingers rested on my forearms, the cool metal barely grazing my soft skin. I desperately needed to escape, to wake from this most awful moment and I could come to no alternative conclusion. Surely, if you killed your subconscious mind, you would have no other choice than to regain lucidity. _

_With one final moment of resignation, I closed my eyes. Pressing my fingers as hard as I could manage into my flesh, I pulled down, listening for the sound of snapping muscles, tissue, and skin. None came. I pried my eyes open to find myself unharmed and still on the kitchen floor with my mother, lifeless, next to my leg. The world was silent, unforgiving in its torment and my body gave out. Slipping to the floor, I could do nothing but lay in wait for the next round of punishment my mind felt I deserved. _

_Soon after, my body moved of its own volition as I had lost all vestiges of control. Giving myself over to the power responsible for my actions, I maneuvered through the now desolate and empty house toward the stairs. On the surface of the wooden incline was my father, his normally wisdom-lined face, gone entirely. All that remained were the small slivers of flesh and fragmented bone scattered along the bare walls behind him. I did not possess the ability to identity him by his features, but recognition read on the backs of my eyelids like a scrolling headline on the side of a building - an advertisement and acknowledgment, defining our blood-based relation. I was struck by the sudden weight in my hands, for they were previously empty. Looking down, they now held my father's twelve-gauge shotgun, smoke rising from the end, and warm to the touch. It had been fired recently. The smell of gunpowder burned my nostrils and I found myself nauseated by the scent. _

_Inspecting my grip on the weapon more closely, I saw it was my finger pressed against the trigger and as I pulled my hand away, the distinct imprint of the metal remained on my flesh. The gun dropped from my hand as I took a frightened step back and it landed with a resounding bang to the floor. I waited for the sound of a stray gunshot to echo within my ears, along with the feeling of danger to fall over my being. Neither came. Although, this was logical in a way, for you cannot truly die in your dreams. No matter the genre of movies that replay nightly within the theatre of your subconscious, they are just that: fast-paced pictures with no influence on tangible reality. _

_My need to escape the scene before me was overwhelming. This nightmare had just passed the point where I would normally wake; out of breath and shaking. And yet, there I stood, directly in front of what was left of my father, gun on the ground and still asleep. I pinched my arm, hoping to clear the sleep-woven cobwebs, but the action did nothing. My legs moved of their own accord once more and I bent to their unyielding will. _

_Time and space have their own definition in the world of fantasy, and this was no different. I was unsure how, but I found myself in the doorway to a classroom at my high school, the walls familiar in their decoration. The science lab, with its black glossy tables, reflected the light from the cloud-covered moon on their surfaces and into my eyes. Turning toward the whiteboard hanging in front of me, I noticed a message written in red marker, its chemical smell thick in the sterile air. _

"_Time to face the truth in what you've done, Bella," was drawn in elegant letters, the words cryptic and shook me to the core. I could feel my blood drain from my face, only to scurry toward my chest in a herculean effort to sate my increased heart rate. _

_Balling one of my shirtsleeves to conceal my hand, I ran towards the board and tried to erase the words. Instead of removing the harrowed phrase, the first swipe of material against the board turned the marker to blood. One might have seen this as a miracle, like the transformation of water to wine, but my ability to convert ink to blood was anything but. I stood, eyes glued to the now-streaked surface and encompassed by the overwhelming scent seeping into my every pore. _

_Using my untainted sleeve, I covered my mouth and nose to try and block out some of my external senses. For the air hung thick, like a penny placed on your tongue, the taste and smell metallic, coppery and rusted. _

_I swiftly backed away from the board, maneuvering around the teacher's wooden desk that pressed against the backs of my thighs. Once I got to the edge, I attempted to put as much space between the wall and myself as possible but my heel caught and I fell to the ground. _

"_God, you are pathetic," a female voice declared, its origin unknown for I thought I was alone. _

"_Who said that?" I asked, looking back and forth in an attempt to locate the culprit. _

"_The 'who', is unimportant," she continued, "but of course, you're too stupid to know even that. The 'why' is what matters here."_

"_Fine, then why?" I questioned, begging for any explanation. _

"_You can't even keep them safe in your dreams; look at what you've caused. Their lives ended in your hands. But, that's no surprise. You're a black hole, Bella. You swallow them. All goodness and light is impossible around you. Just look. The one closest to you is here, in his current state, because of you." _

_At her words, I felt a warmth and a twitch against my leg, and I dropped my eyes to search for the cause._

"_Oh god, Edward!" I gasped. _

_Edward, my pillar, always appearing strong and stable, lay at my side, his hands and feet nailed to the floor. He struggled at his piercing restraints and his head thrashed from side to side, trying to loosen the pieces of duct tape covering his mouth and nose. The veins stuck out from his paper-thin skin like topographical maps, each ridge and valley strained yet categorized. I watched as he screamed in only vowels, blood vessels shattering in the whites of his eyes. Scrambling to my knees, I attempted to rip the tape disabling his ability to breathe in order to help him. To save him. _

_I lifted my hands to his face only to find my fingers sewn together, elegant criss-crossing designs puncturing the lengths of skin and bone. Trying my best, I pawed at the tape, attempting to loosen the adhesive surface, but the effort was futile. The silvery material stayed in its place, unmoving and unyielding to the constant pressure of my bound fingers._

"_Would you look at that," the voice cooed, "she thinks she can save him. How sweet. And ridiculous! Don't you see how this ends, Bella?" _

"_God, shut up and help me!" I screamed out to the open air, praying for her to materialize if only to assist in saving the brightest star in my whole night sky. _

_I could only watch in horror as life drained from Edward's eyes like the sand falling through an hourglass. My hands, still glued together and locked, lay frozen against my sides. Tears streamed down Edward's face in a weak waterfall, pooling on the tile next to my knee. _

"_Edward?" I called out. "Edward? Oh god, Edward?" Our eyes locked, our gaze unwavering yet frantic. I felt my cheeks growing warm and wet as tears bled from the hollowed sockets of my eyes. _

"_Tick tock, tick tock, Bella," she said, each word echoed by the clicking of the clock on the wall. "My, my, look how his eyes plead with you to save him. Too bad, really. Tell me, Bella, how does it feel to watch someone you love die? His chest twitching for the breath you cannot give him?"_

"_Stop talking and help me!" I yelled._

"_Help you? Ha! We passed that point a long time ago." _

"_No we didn't, there's still time!" I called out to the cracked ceiling. Looking back at Edward, I stared as his body stopped moving and every sign of life melted away. "Edward? Edward?" I shivered violently and my tears fell faster with the onslaught of acceptance seeping through unconscious thought. "God, please…don't. Edward? Please? You can't leave me. Not like this. Please, don't do this! Stay with me. I need you. I-I love y-you. I'm sorry…it's my hands! I just can't…it won't let me…God, I'm so sorry! I'm trying, Edward. Please, I'm doing everything I can. Just hang on for me!"_

"_Edward, Edward, Edward!" she teased, mocking me with a forged, tear-filled tone. "Save it, Bella. You've obviously killed him, now quit blubbering and accept it. Look at you, lying next to the man you supposedly love, watching him die. How awful. You know, this wouldn't have happened if you weren't in his life. It's because of you that he ended up this way. Do you understand that it's your love that kills these people? Can't you see that you're a poison, a disease in which there is no cure?"_

_The whites of Edward's eyes nearly disappeared and only the overwhelming red of shattered blood vessels remained in the space around his green irises. There was nothing but the blank, dead stare looking directly at me. His gaze would be forever frozen in the blind panic and terror that one lives as they feel themselves dying and comprehend the inevitable. With bound hands, I reached up and touched his beautiful face, stroking his features before closing his eyes for the last time._

"_There now, you understand. So, I'll ask again Bella. How does it feel to be a murderer? Does guilt wash over you?"_

"_Fuck you! This isn't real! It's just a dream, it's just a dream…" I chanted, repeating the mantra, willing myself to remain strong._

"_Not real? Tell me, can you feel your knees pinched against the floor? Do you not have real tears on your face? Is your black heart not clenched in regret?" she asked, angry. Each question was like a knife being driven through my chest, feeling every bit as real as crying did. _

"_No! It's a dream, nothing more!" I refused. "If this is so real, why can't I see you?" _

"_As I've said before, you pitiful and pathetic excuse for a human being, who I am is unimportant. Clearly your disgraceful lack of intelligence cannot comprehend what I'm saying. The blame is solely yours to hold. Had I been there, you could make an attempt to place it on me. And I assure you, Bella, this is all your creation."_

"_This is your fault!" I shouted with rage. "None of this is happening! I'm asleep, damnit! Fuck, you aren't even real."_

"_Believe what you wish, child, but know this - I am real. I am every bit as life-like as the skin that shields your bones. All will be revealed in time, Bella. Just as the deaths of the ones you love are destined to come true, and at your hands no less," the voice spoke, tone dripping with venom._

"_I want to wake up…I want to wake up…" I repeated over and over, trying to jolt my conscious mind to take over and save me from my thoughts. _

"_This isn't over, Bella. Please, say hello to everyone for me. Oh, how I do look forward to next time…" she trailed off, fading into the background._

"Stay away from me!" I cried out, shooting upright and opening my eyes. My bedroom was cloaked in darkness, only the silhouettes of objects discernable in shape. The dresser, the desk, my bed, all stood unmoving and still, comforting reminders of reality.

"It was only a dream," I whispered to the stagnant air.

"I _told_ you this wasn't over, Bella," the voice spoke once again, crystal clear and frighteningly calm. "You can't get rid of me that easily." Quiet laughter sounded, soft wisps of air passing through someone's mouth that was not my own.

"W-what?" I stuttered, paralyzed with fear. "W-who are y-you?"

"Stupid girl, have you not listened to a word I said? God, you know absolutely nothing," her voice was directly next to my ear. The tone carried and bounced off of the surfaces in my room, echoing against the obstructions and filling absent space.

In a panic, I switched on the lamp near my bed, my hand visibly shaking through the movement. The fluorescent light illuminated the room, casting small shadows, and I shuddered. For the briefest of moments, I prayed that someone would be standing in a previously darkened space. Instead, I was greeted with everything in perfect order and no evidence of an intruder. I chucked darkly, shaking my head at my own absurdity. It was a nightmare - nothing more, nothing less.

"When are you going to learn, Bella?"

Again, the voice spoke. With my back flush against the headboard and my knees tucked tightly to my chest, my gaze shifted around the room. The endless search found nothing, no answers and no explanations to the voice's owner or origin. My breath came in pants and tears streamed down my face with no end in sight.

"Is this real?" I whispered to no one but myself. And yet, I feared I would receive an answer regardless of my lack of physical company.

"Oh yes, Bella. This is very real."

"But you're just a dream. I know you are," I said, attempting to lace my tone with conviction yet even I doubted my words.

"I am anything but, Bella. You think I'm a nightmare. Clearly, you couldn't be more wrong."

"Why are you doing this? What do you want with me?" I sobbed. My slow falling tears rose to high tides in a matter of moments. With every word seeping into my ears, I lost the battle with logic and reason.

"For you to see the truth about what you are. To show you what needs to happen."

"And what is that? What needs to happen?"

"Well, you need to die, of course."

x-x-x

Silence. Overwhelming and mind numbing silence. I was met with only the quiet groans and creaks of the house settling on its foundation, along with the soft, late-summer wind blowing through the large tree outside of my partially opened window. My sense of time seemed to warp into a vast emptiness, a block of space lacking physical definition and yet my mind could readily understand that seconds, minutes, had passed in the solitude of my bedroom. But this comprehension came from my sense of sight, the glowing red digits on the clock bleeding from one to the next, reinforced my body's knowledge of moments evolving. I could hear sounds, yes, but I didn't dare trust them - I had learned my lesson.

My ears betrayed me, playing the role of a novice magician, momentarily distracting my sense of reason with expert cloak and dagger tricks, allowing my subconscious a chance at the spotlight. For forty-seven agonizing minutes, I contemplated the likelihood that I heard someone who was not with me in person; a ghost, an empty shell, a voice dancing through the air.

Like the minds of humans throughout history, I defined that which I could not comprehend with easily explainable answers. Just like the earth was once flat, I was simply still asleep. I gave my experience a label, a name, a spot within the recesses of my rational brain to be stored and locked. The past day had been long, filled with exuberant ups and downs on the emotional scale; overflowing nerves and anxiety, blissful happiness, and my greatest accomplishments all completed in a few hours time. Periods of great emotional stress can cause one to have vivid nightmares; that was common. And I further simplified the encounter; like the ever-changing location of each horrific scene, I must have fallen even deeper asleep, my subconscious choosing my bedroom as the next destination for torment within my dreaming state. It was physical exhaustion that inhibited my conscious mind from awakening, thus causing me to stay asleep with the illusion of being fully aware.

And yet, I still hadn't made a sound. The last time I spoke, my words were answered, met with a haunting and frightening response: my subconscious told me I needed to die. Utterly absurd. A strange dream, lifelike yet impossible; still I felt like my skin was a live wire, anxiously waiting to touch a wet surface and a small spark would shock the pulse of an unreal voice into my veins.

Electrocution by words alone.

With a deep breath, I exhaled softly, shattering the deafening silence with the mere whisper of vibration through my vocal cords. Irrational as it may be, my explanation for the events following my nightmare could only be justified if met with complete quiet in exchange for my noise; you cannot speak to what isn't there. I waited, begging for my sigh to go unnoticed by impossibility, and I watched the clock. The blurred outline of an eight quickly switched to a nine and still there was no answer. I categorized the background noise around me, to ensure that when I finally found my voice once again, I wouldn't mistake something for which it was not - like a voice sounding from a mouth invisible. There was the soft buzzing of the clock, the shrill whistle of wind through the trees, and the crackling of stone and wood depositing itself infinitesimally into the structure I called home. This should be a safe place – the atmosphere of anxiety and fear in which I presently found myself shouldn't exist here. The nine clicked over to a zero under my watchful stare. Steeling myself for the improbability of a reply, I inhaled the familiar scent of safe and home into my lungs. Zero became one.

"This is ridiculous," I whispered, and my eyes went wide. Holding my breath, I waited. The only sound was my heart pounding like a perfectly calibrated metronome, counting off the passage of time.

One was then two.

And waited.

Two seeped into three.

And waited.

Upon three turning to four, my lips twitched at the corners.

Silence.

Shaking my head, I smirked at my own idiocy, internally mocking my child-like fear. I moved, finally, and allowed myself the pleasure of comfortable noise once again; the bed sheets shifting against my weight, the headboard lightly tapping the wall, and my quiet sigh as my eyes fluttered closed. As my head settled into my pillow, the howling wind pushed against the glass of my window and the branches scratched across the surface of the house. All the sounds were familiar, comforting, and proof of home as a safe place to lay down to sleep.

Silent once more.

Just as exhaustion rolled over my form in a wave, its strength like the strongest of sedatives swiftly injected into your system, the wind sounded. Under the black cloud of soft sleep, laconic laughter blew through the trees outside my window, but I told myself it was all just a dream.

x-x-x

* * *

**A/N (cont'd): **To all of you… the reviewers, alerters, lurkers, and beyond… thank you. Every time I see an e-mail from FF'n, I squee. Seriously. People stare.

My LoD girls - you're too much… I'd be so lost without you. You are, incredible, stupendous, phenomenal, and extraordinary. I don't know the words to express how grateful I am for you all.

So, When the Words Scream was _nomm'd for an Indie award for Best Action/Drama WIP._ I'm honored, speechless, and in awe of all of the support this story has gotten recently, and I need to thank any and all of you for your efforts. Really, I'm astonished. Thank you. I can't say that enough.

**I'd love to know what you thought… **

Until next time...

- L -**  
**


	4. A Dream With Eyes Open

A/N: ...It has been awhile, hasn't it? Well, first and foremost, thank you for your incredible patience. I could try and explain about countless hours lost in numbers, algorithms, and various diseases, but I think you'd rather get to the chapter, so I won't bother with excuses. Please know that I'm doing my best to update more frequently. Again, thank you for sticking with me. Your reviews, comments, and PM's mean more than I could even attempt to express.

To my betas **EchoesofTwilight** and **KristenLynn** - the work you've done with the chapter was large, daunting, and your honest words make me a better writer. A huge thanks goes out to them, since this never could have been accomplished without their assistance, time, and dedication. You two deserve more than simple words of gratitude, but thank you is all I have. To **lexiecullen17** for her pre-reading, support, and always picking me up when I feel the words barely whisper rather than scream.

To my girls in the LoD - These words would have never been written if it wasn't for your constant encouragement. I love you all, and all that you do.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. Never have, never will. **

* * *

**When the Words Scream - Chapter Three**

**"A Dream With Eyes Open"**

* * *

_And on the bus I could have sworn it was all a dream,  
__And it didn't happen to me.  
And then I felt the scrapes,  
From the slippery subway grate.  
Oh how you laughed,  
At my complete lack of grace.  
But I could not recall,  
A more perfect fall,  
Cause when I looked up into your eyes  
It didn't hurt at all._

Be Still My Heart – The Postal Service

* * *

_September 13__th__, 2009 _

I registered the weight of morning before my eyes opened. The sun was blaring, yet I saw nothing but reds and oranges spaced in a million dots, dancing and sliding on the backs of my eyelids. My face was warm, and I felt my lips turn up in a contented smile; I woke up older today. Physically, my body didn't feel different, but mentally I knew the number sixteen now held a new meaning. Another day, another year.

My body was heavy with sleep, and my muscles argued with a desire to exercise their stiff posture. Stretching my hands above my head, I yawned, unfolding tendons, and realigning ligaments following their state of rest. My positive thoughts were short lived, however; the images from last night's dream littered the streets of consciousness as my mind crawled out of its sleeping haze. I remembered the faces of my mother and father first, my familiarity with that particular portion of my nightmare was experienced and common; I had no trouble recalling those details. It was the events that followed those scenes that left me confused, scared. I knew it had something to do with Edward, and it took a moment for me to remember.

The science room.

Edward on the floor with pleading eyes.

My hands.

_The voice. _

"Oh, God. Edward." My voice was agonized. I shoved the heels of my hands against my eyes as tears fell, my mind replaying every terrifying second of my nightmare, featuring my one and only star with perfect clarity. "I'm sorry."

"For what, B?"

I shot up in bed as my eyes snapped open. Edward was seated by my hip, the air around him glowing from the sun streaming through my window. His face was shrouded in a light shadow, the defined attributes stood out in carved edges, his every prominent and etched in concern.

"It's nothing," I said, waving a hand in the air to dismiss the words. It was a nightmare, and I didn't want Edward to think I was being childish. The events from the night previous still ran in fast-forward, a montage of fear, loss, self-loathing, and failure.

He moved closer and placed his hand on my knee, rubbing his thumb in small circles over my blanket and skin-covered bones. My body burned, and my heart ached with the knowledge that he was alive and unharmed and _here_. With a refined grace, his upper body leaned in closer, and I felt the pressure of his weight. The arm on my skin was a welcomed pain, jolting my system into awareness of his presence – inviting and concerned.

"You know you can tell me anything," Edward whispered, looking directly into my eyes.

Reaching over, he pulled one of my hands into his unoccupied one and squeezed gently. My pulse soared, and my skin burned with hot flames at the recognition of my sense of touch. It was this response that brought me back from the ledge of distorted reality I stood upon after my dream. This was real. He was really here, and the events of the early morning would soon be nothing but a distant and unpleasant memory. I smiled at him, feeling lighter than I had since my mind roused me from the terror of my subconscious.

"I know. But it's nothing," I replied, and his smile soon matched my own.

"Okay, good. Just as long as you know."

I looked at the clock – it was just after eleven. "Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were coming to get me at two."

Suddenly, I was overly aware of my appearance. I had been crying and had just woken up; I must have looked awful. As I pulled the blanket higher up my body, Edward moved away slightly, and I immediately felt the loss of his proximity. I wanted him to stay close, for his body heat to warm my being and remind my senses of what was real. With Edward close, there was tangible proof and overwhelming comfort.

"Well, I was, but I wanted to know if I could enjoy a birthday breakfast with you." His smile faltered when I didn't answer right away. "I mean, we've done it for the past three years, and I should have mentioned it before, but I was so caught up with Stanford and the meet, then you called me and I was asleep…I thought maybe, I don't know, maybe you'd want to do it again this year..."

"Edward," I said quietly, reaching out my hand to place it on his. "Can we still go to the Original Pancake House?"

His eyes lit up like a flipped switch when I smiled at him. "Of course! But first, I need to give you your birthday presents."

"Presents? As in, plural?" I was nervous, and removed my hand from his to lean back against my headboard, being mindful to keep myself hidden beneath the blanket.

"Yeah. One is practical, and the other because I felt like it. Is that okay?"

"How can I tell you if it's okay if I don't know what they are?" I teased.

"Let's find out, shall we?"

Looking down towards the floor, I noticed Edward's attire for the first time that morning. His feet were encased in canvas flip-flops, his calves were bare, and as my eyes traveled further up, I saw black swim trunks. The material was pulled tight over the strong muscles of his thighs, the edges of fabric hanging like cliffs over the sharp edges of his knees. Lime-green thread was sewn in nonsensical designs up his thigh, disappearing under the bulky red sweatshirt with "LIFEGUARD" written across his chest. "MASEN" was etched in white block letters over the wide expanse of his broad shoulders.

"Edward?" My gaze turned up to his face, but he was reaching toward the foot of my bed, grabbing two boxes by my feet that I hadn't noticed earlier.

"Yeah?" His breath was strained from stretching for the packages wrapped in shiny paper with miniature birthday cakes and lit candles. One box was a large rectangle, and the other was a much smaller square; it would fit in my palm.

"Why are you wearing your trunks now? It's September."

His laughter filled my room, and it rang in my ears. The sound was joyous, light and carefree in tone, but was heavy in its confirmation of reality. Any remaining nerves from my dream still residing underneath my skin were silenced, put to rest by his bright smile. The apples of his cheeks pushed the skin around his shining eyes upwards, nearly aligning his upper and lower eyelids. When Edward smiled, a _true_ smile, he did so with his entire face. My heart leapt in my chest at the knowledge that my words were the cause.

"Well, we _are_ going swimming this afternoon." He arranged the boxes in his lap.

"It's September," I reiterated.

He just stared at me.

"In New Jersey," I stated.

"_And_? I'm wearing a sweatshirt!" he exclaimed loudly, pulling on the red fabric to emphasize his point.

I raised an eyebrow, and my expression was incredulous. Waving my hands in his direction, I waited for a reasonable explanation and smirked when none came.

"Just, open your presents, B. I want pancakes."

I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth – attempting, but failing to contain my smile - and I released it with a quick, "Okay," then reached for the smaller box.

"No, open this one first," Edward said quickly as he thrust the larger package into my hands.

Opening the paper carefully, I removed the cardboard box and set it on my lap before placing the wrapping on the floor. I lifted the lid and saw what looked like several long sleeved shirts made out of bathing suit material inside. Taking a dark blue shirt from the box, I inspected the white floral design and stitching along the seams. It was gorgeous.

Before I could ask him what it was, he answered my unspoken wonder. "They're called rashguards. Surfers wear them so they don't get cut up on sharp reefs or rocks. And, I know that you always swim with clothes, so I just thought this could be an alternative…make you more comfortable."

I was awed by the thoughtfulness he showed in the gift. He was right; I never wore just a swimsuit outside of a meet, and was often teased by others for my attire. I just wasn't comfortable in my own skin. Not only was I younger than almost all of the people I spent my time with, I'd also suffered over the past several years watching their bodies mature around mine while I remained the same. Unchanged – at least on the outside.

"Thank you," I whispered as I fingered the fabric before placing it on the bed next to me and inspecting the other ones. My eyes bored directly into his, and I hoped that my gaze could express what words could not begin to attempt. A stare filled with gratitude and, as always, there was the crushing weight of unrequited adoration. "Really, Edward. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Pulling a dark green rashguard from the box, I admired the skull design framed by white stars on the back, and I decided I would wear that one today. I told him so.

He laughed. "That one's my favorite of them all."

I cleared everything but the green rashguard off of the bed before looking at Edward as he scratched the back of his neck roughly. With a nervous smile in my direction, he handed me the small box.

The box was incredibly light in my hands, and I used care when opening the packaging again. When I finally got through the paper, and another box, I held a telltale velvet case in my hand. I looked to Edward with wide eyes.

I started, but he interrupted with his hand in the air, his palm facing me. "Edward—"

"I know you normally don't wear jewelry, B, because you're afraid of losing it, but I asked the guy when I bought it if it was safe to go in water, and he assured me it was. So, you don't have to worry about taking it off," he said in a rush of words. "Or wearing it at all. It's okay if you don't like it."

Giving him a disbelieving look, I opened the box in my hands and gasped when I saw what was inside. The black background made the blue and white stone stand out like a lit beacon on a dark ocean. And that's exactly what the stone looked like. The dark, grey-blue of a stormy ocean with waves cresting into the night sky, all held together with woven silver.

I removed the necklace from the box with shaky hands, and I felt ridges along the back of the stone. When I flipped it over, I found several words engraved in the hard surface.

"It says, 'Ons swem deur elke oseaan tesame,'" Edward recited in perfect Afrikaans.

Edward's grandparents had moved to the States from South Africa with his mother during her adolescence. When they arrived, they barely spoke a word of English. Even though they had all eventually learned the language, only Elizabeth lost the accent, and when Edward was born, they refused to let him grow up without learning Afrikaans. Over the years, I'd learned a few words here and there, but I didn't know what the phrase on the necklace meant.

I softly stroked the gorgeous stone, holding back the tears threatening to fall; I'd never been given a gift like this before. My voice was choked with heavy emotion when I asked, "Edward, will you put this on for me?"

"Of course," he answered quickly, his words framed with a true smile. "So you like it?"

"Very much," I whispered as I unclasped the necklace and handed it to him.

He stood, and I moved forward to make enough space for Edward to fit behind me. Slowly, he knelt on the bed, his knees on either side of my waist, and my heart thrummed in my chest as I felt his shirt against the back of my neck. I heard the sounds of clothing shifting, and then his breath was at my ear.

"Could you move forward a bit more?"

I eagerly complied, excited to wear the stone around my neck, yet nervous to have him so close to me in my bed, the place where I knew nothing but fear. With Edward's presence, I hoped he could exorcise whatever dream demons were left behind by my subconscious and rid my room of terror. I wanted the comforting scent of Edward on my sheets – chlorine and apples and _safe_. He shifted, bringing his leg down to mirror the length of mine over my blanket. His other leg remained bent at the knee with his foot flat on the floor, his thigh almost pressed against my hip.

I took a deep breath, my nerves alight with hot flames licking my skin as his arms raised over my head. Feeling the bottom of his biceps against my shoulders, I leaned back slightly, trying to lean my back to his front.

"Is this okay?" I asked. My voice sounded strong despite the vibrations of my heart in my chest.

"Could you lift your hair for me?"

"Oh, yeah! Sure!" I exclaimed nervously and complied.

As he clasped the necklace, I felt his fingers against my skin, and I held my breath, willing my pulse to slow in my chest. I was worried he would feel my quickened heartbeat with how close he was, but as soon as his fingers were on my skin, they left. Their absence left a distinct change in temperature from the area surrounding, and I bit my lip from crying out at the loss of his heated touch.

"Let me see it." Edward stood once again, and moved back to his place on the bed by my hip. "Wow, it looks great! Do you really like it?"

"I love it," I said as I toyed with the stone out of nervousness. Several quiet moments passed between us. I wanted to hug him, but my choice of pajamas the night before left me fearful to stand before him without the shield of my blanket.

"Well, it's already after noon. We should go soon," he said, looking at the clock.

Biting my lip, I thought about how my bathing suit covered less than my tee-shirt and shorts, and I rolled my eyes. I tossed the blanket off of my body and hugged him around the waist.

"Thank you, Edward. Really. I love it."

His arms wrapped around my shoulders, and he kissed the top of my head. "You're welcome, B. I'll go wait for you downstairs."

As he pulled out of our embrace, I glanced at his smiling face once more before walking toward my dresser to pull out my clothes.

"Wait!" I exclaimed when he reached the doorknob, and he turned around. "What does it mean?"

His face faltered for a moment before he smiled again. "It means, 'we swim through every ocean together,'" he answered softly, and my heart swelled. I watched him walk through the door towards the stairs.

He was right. We would.

"California, here we come!" I cried out. His laughter sounded from the stairway.

I grabbed my clothes, including my new rashguard, and I made my way to the bathroom. Looking in the mirror, I admired my necklace once more.

Whispering to my reflection, I smiled through the word, _together_.

x-x-x

The crunch of stones beneath the tires of Edward's Subaru WRX filtered through the open window beside me, the sound like muffled firecrackers as we pulled into the parking lot of the swim club. Our breakfast had been a rushed affair, filled with overly-stuffed mouths, fingers sticky from sweet maple syrup, and joyous laughter. Both Edward and I were eager to get to the latter part of the afternoon, and our conversation was mainly comprised of chewing noises along with the occasional exchanged word.

Edward – and Emmett – had been exceptionally tight-lipped about then plans for the day; they'd both just been promising for the past few weeks that I was going to enjoy myself, and our time spent in the water outside of practice. This past summer had been filled with countless hours in the pool, but it was designed to make the team better, faster, and to prepare us for the meet yesterday. So when Edward finally pulled into a parking space next to Emmett's Jeep at the outdoor swim club owned by his parents, I could hardly contain my excitement. It may have been September, but the weather was oddly warm, not that the temperature would have stopped us anyway. We weren't here to do laps or training exercises, we were here to have fun - cold water be damned.

"You ready?" Edward asked as he switched off the engine and turned in the seat to look at me.

"Definitely." The smile on my face strained my cheeks.

"Great! You go ahead…" He gestured toward the trunk. "Let me just grab the stuff."

I excitedly unfolded myself from the car and ran to the steps only to find Emmett seated in his trunks and flipflops, his hands on his knees, waiting with a huge smile.

"Guppiella! Happy birthday!" Emmett shouted, running over and enveloping me in his large arms, lifting me so I was a few feet off the ground.

With my hands on his shoulders, and my knees pressing into his abdomen, I laughed. "Thanks Emmett! Can you thank your parents for me? It was really nice of them to let us use this place."

Emmett still held me in the air as he ran down the steps to meet Edward by the trunk of his car. Edward was shaking his head, a huge smile on his face as he watched the two of us.

"You bring everything, E?" Emmett asked Edward as he leaned over and nearly dropped me to the loose stones beneath my feet.

"Emmett!" I cried out. "Don't let me fall!"

His grip on me tightened further, and he tossed me over his shoulder, my hips balanced next to his neck, my head near the ground.

"How's that? Better?" My arms wrapped around him from behind.

"Damn it, Em! Put me down!" I hit his back repeatedly with closed fists, and I hadn't moved an inch when I saw the outline of a bicycle tire next to the bumper of Edward's car through Emmett's legs. "Edward, why do you have a bike?"

I heard his laughter combined with Emmett's as he managed "Don't worry about it," before turning back towards the car.

I tried to shoot him a look, but the expression was wasted on Emmett's back.

The trunk slammed closed. "Enough standing around, let's get inside! We only have a few hours before I have to take you back for dinner with your parents," Edward said, and both Emmett and I nodded.

Emmett rearranged my position on his body; I felt more like I was climbing on a jungle gym rather than getting a piggyback ride from a friend. I simply smiled, locking my legs and arms around his waist and neck. We waited for Edward to collect the contents of his backseat before we made our way up the few steps and through the massive open-air structure.

I looked down at Edward's hands: one was guiding a bike along the small walkway, and the other was holding a Slip 'N Slide. Two heavy bags hung from his shoulder – his and my own.

"Need help with that?" I asked, sticking my chin out in his direction.

"No thanks. It's your birthday. I'll be the pack mule for now."

We walked through the entrance, the swinging wooden door slamming into Edward after Emmett and I passed through. With a grunt, Edward punched Emmett in the arm, and his hand brushed my thigh as he pulled it back. My arms tightened around Emmett's neck, and I felt him chuckling, his body vibrating beneath me.

"Need to breathe, Guppa. Let up will you?"

"Sorry," I mumbled, loosening my grip, and I looked over his shoulder to avoid meeting Edward's gaze. Blood rushed to my cheeks, lighting the skin aflame with surprise, excitement, and embarrassment.

"So Guppa," Emmett started, then paused as he hitched me higher on his back, and my legs gripped harder around his waist. "How does it feel to be a special pick?"

"What?" I asked. "What's a special pick?"

"An ITL," he answered, and I could hear the grin in his words.

"Emmett," Edward growled. At the sound, I looked over with a confused frown.

"Can one of you explain what the hell you're talking about?"

Emmett laughed, but my eyes remained unmoving from Edward's clearly uncomfortable stance. As he met my gaze, I shot him an angry look, but Emmett was the first to answer.

"An ITL is an 'Intro to Legal.'"

"But I'm sixteen. Not eighteen."

"What Em means, B," Edward started with a huff and his eyes broke contact with my own. "Is…well…it's…damnit. He's talking about your age. In New Jersey, at sixteen, you're at the age of consent. You can date someone older, as long as you say it's okay."

"Edward, it's got nothing to do with dating, it's all about doing the nasty," Emmett said after he laughed.

I removed one of my arms around Emmett's neck to smack him in the back of the head. Edward still glanced at the ground, his ears pink and his eyebrows furrowed.

"Emmett…you, Edward, and I all know that no one my own age, let alone someone older, wants to date me, so why does it matter?" My need to roll my eyes at their ridiculousness was overwhelming; I was barely a blip on the radar screen for people in general, and even the thought that a male would desire my attention was ludicrous.

Emmett took a deep breath and started speaking, but Edward cut him off by dropping everything in his grasp, grabbing me, and pulling me away with one arm under my back and the other under my knees. Staring directly into my eyes, he gave me a crooked smile while my arms went around his neck to help support my weight. "Emmett's just saying that to make himself feel better about staring at young girls. Don't worry about it. Now, ready to celebrate?"

I nodded. Edward then spun us around in several circles, the world moving in blended swirls of light and dark, and I felt weightless in his arms. Squealing loudly, I held on tighter as we turned around faster, yet his sure footsteps did nothing to dispel my fear of slipping out of his grasp.

"Stop, Edward! I'm going to fall!" I shouted as my fingers lost their grip around his neck.

His hands pressed noticeably harder into my skin, bringing me closer to his chest, and he leaned his head down to my ear. "I'll never let you fall. Trust me." His circular movements stopped, yet the world was still spinning.

The tone of his voice washed over me in waves of calm, the vibration from his chest against me was a lullaby, softly soothing my nerves. I buried my face in his shoulder for a moment, taking in his intensified scent, breathing in his words and their meaning before letting my head drop back. With my eyes fixed toward the sky, the gorgeous blue freckled with white clouds and the green tips of trees, we started to spin once more, and I saw the world through a kaleidoscope – the images and outlines changed, and yet the colors remained the same.

x-x-x

The main area of the swim club was comprised of a large "T" shaped pool, split into three sections with buoys tied on ropes spanning from one length to the other, creating even squares ranging in depth from three to five feet. A large diving well was further back, the sides spattered with two one-meter diving boards and one five-meter platform, decorated in honor of my birthday. The bars of the diving boards were covered in balloons, and the platform had a small trampoline fixed to the end. In the trees surrounding the pool deck, there were balloons, streamers, and a "Happy Birthday Bella" banner. Beneath the decorated branches were brightly wrapped gifts. Not only did Edward and Emmett plan this special celebration, they had invited several members of the team to take part as well.

After we stopped spinning, and Edward had finally put me down, I stumbled for a bit before regaining my footing, slowly returning to earth. Mike and Tyler approached and wished me a happy birthday, then grabbed the small bike and Slip 'N Slide to bring them to the diving well. I watched in equal parts awe, excitement, and horror as the plastic mat was fixed to one of the diving boards, and the boys took turns sliding into the pool.

Turning to Edward, I watched as his eyes danced with what I assumed to be the anticipation without the presence of adults hovering and claiming our antics to be dangerous. I chuckled to myself, unzipped my bag, and took out my board shirts before I made my way to the locker rooms to change.

As I walked out in my new rashguard and board shorts, I saw that more people had joined Edward by the entrance in my momentary absence.

"Hey Bella!" Edward called to me, grabbing the bags from the ground by his feet and starting to walk up the stone path toward the main pool. "Jessica and Kate just got here. Ready to have a little fun?"

I smiled. "Hey Jessica, Kate. Thanks for coming you guys," I spoke softly as I finally caught up to them, and we continued walking.

"Well, when Edward called and told me about this little get together, I couldn't say no," Jessica answered, keeping pace with Edward, her shoulder bumping against him as they made their way around the pool in front of me.

Kate fell into step with me and said, "Happy Birthday Bella. How's it been so far?"

Fingering my necklace, I bit my lip slightly and felt a hot blush creep up my cheeks, remembering earlier. "Great. Thanks for making the trip here. I appreciate you driving all the way up."

"Jessica insisted we join you guys. And who am I to turn down time in the water?" She turned toward the rest of the crowd and ran off. "Tyler! Emmett! Mike!"

I watched as she leapt into Tyler's arms. Without warning, he tugged her bag off her shoulder and waddled over to the diving well, jumping in. Her shrieks carried over the tops of the trees.

I was so distracted by Kate and Tyler that I hadn't noticed I'd passed by Edward on my way to the lawn chairs scattered across the grass surrounding the pool. My breath caught in my throat, and I would have jumped into the air if it weren't for Edward's hands on my shoulders. "Should I do that with you?" he whispered in my ear.

"Don't sneak up on me like that!"

"Are you going to get in?" One of his eyebrows lifted as he smirked.

"Of course I am. I just need to see how cold the water is first."

Dropping my stuff onto an unoccupied chair, I made my way to the edge of the diving well, and slowly dragged my foot through the water. I had expected it to be cold, but I wasn't prepared for the frigid temperature that glided over my submerged skin. Taking my foot out of the water, I planned to head over to the steps to gradually adjust, but as I turned, I saw Edward was dressed only in his boardshorts, giving me a wide, maniacal smile.

"Edward," I warned as he started stalking toward me, coming closer with every sure-footed step. "Don't."

"Don't what, Bella?" He took several more steps in my direction, moving like a snake preparing to strike.

When he reached my side, he dragged the back of his hand against my cheek, and his features shifted to that of complete innocence. I didn't believe it for a minute. All of my muscles prepared to move should he make any attempt to get me in the water.

"This?" he shouted as his arms quickly wrapped around my waist, his grip so strong I could do nothing but scream and hold on while he jumped into the rippling cold, blue glass.

Even with the countless pinpricks of cold temperatures hitting my skin, my mind focused on the warm, muscled torso of Edward against me underneath the surface. I was furious, but the tension faded as his strong arms grabbed me tighter and pulled me back to the oxygen-rich air above the glassy wall of water above us. Laughter from the other members of today's celebration carried over to us, but I couldn't look away from the sight of Edward next to me. Even though I had seen him in this position many times before, I didn't think my eyes would ever become anything but a slave to the sight. Using only our legs to keep ourselves afloat, his hold on me never relinquished, only adjusted so his hands were directly atop my hips as he looked directly into my eyes.

"Sorry?" He looked surprisingly sheepish.

"I could kill you. Why would you do that? I told you I'd get in!"

My arms moved from around him and waved in the air frantically, trying to restore the blood flow to my heart. If I was being honest with myself, I couldn't distinguish whether or not my heart momentarily stopped from the feeling of his body gliding against mine in the water, or if it was from the shock of the temperature.

"Yeah? And you took too long." My body shivered as his breath washed over my damp face and neck. "Cold? Jesus, I'm sorry. Come on, let's get you out and moving around. That'll help."

I felt a distinct loss of warmth when Edward's hands left my body and we swam toward the wall. Before I could climb out on my own, Emmett's large hand reached over and he hoisted me out of the water.

"Dude, that was priceless," he said to Edward. "You beat me to it."

Edward laughed and shook his head. "Better now that you're out of the water, B?" he asked, and I nodded, watching trails of water glide down his bare torso like wax from a candle, dropping in puddles by his feet.

"Yeah, I think it was just the initial shock."

"That's good," Emmett answered for him. "Ready?"

"Ready for what?" I asked, my brows furrowing in confusion.

They stalked toward me, my cold limbs protesting movement as I held my hands out.

"Grab her!" Edward shouted.

"No! No! Please! Don't!" I cried out, Emmett holding my arms, and Edward holding my ankles so I was suspended parallel to the ground.

"One… Two… Three…" the boys counted simultaneously, swinging me back and forth, gaining momentum, and coaxing squeals of protest from my throat.

By "three," my body was soaring through the air, back toward the frigid water of the diving well. Loud laughter rang in my ears before the water rushed in, dulling out the sound, and I was blessed with a moment of silence.

x-x-x

The lifeguard chair that sat perched above the deep water of the diving well was cold and hard against my back, but the height granted me a sense of peace from the chaotic afternoon. Hours spent laughing, swimming, and ultimately jumping great distances from the diving boards had me tired, and in a dire need of some time away from the crowd. No one questioned me as I ascended the ladder to the lifeguard chair - none except for Edward, and after my pleading look, he left me to join the boys for a while.

I had been watching them all in awe as they each took turns flying through the air from the platform with the aide of a small trampoline. Emmett and Tyler had grown up around competitive diving, and while Tyler was still a part of a team during the summer, Emmett had given it up to focus solely on swimming. The two of them had been fighting about who completed a forward three and a half better when Edward's voice carried from the platform over to me.

"Hey B? Could you settle this before I throw them both in the damn pool?"

My shoulders shook with laughter within the comfort of Edward's oversized sweatshirt. He had handed it to me when he realized I was shivering from the cold air against my skin after I climbed out of the pool earlier. The fabric provided a warmth, not only from the brief gusts of wind around me, but from the memories that flooded my mind upon recognition of the scent stained in lines of thread. The smell that always surrounded Edward and was amplified when his arms wrapped me within his embrace.

Pulling the collar of the sweatshirt down from its perch upon my nose, I yelled back to the boys on the high platform. "It was all about the splash, and Emmett, your Incredible Hulk-looking ass barely left water in the pool. Tyler won. Now stop fighting like a bunch of girls!"

The crowd surrounding the pool – and the boys on the platform, with the exception of Emmett – broke out into hysterical laughter. Craning my head in the direction of the lawn chairs, I watched as Kate and Jessica's bodies danced with their chuckles in string bikinis, and my laughter died as my confidence diminished. I pulled Edward's sweatshirt more tightly around me, as if I could borrow self-assuredness from the material. Tucking my knees into my chest, my feet perched atop the hard plastic of the lifeguard chair, I stretched the sweatshirt over my legs to hide myself from the view of others. As my mind compared my body to the girls below, I shrank deeper into the unearned pedestal I sat on above the waters beneath me. I tried to feel normal - to feel entitled - and included within the company surrounding me on a day meant to recognize a coming of age. Again, I leaned my head down, taking in a breath of Edward, inhaling feelings of confidence; I never doubted Edward's belief in me.

With a resigned sigh, my attempt at self- acceptance failed with the dying light of the sun in the sky as it fell towards the horizon. As if reading my thoughts, Edward's voice broke through my inadequate haze.

"What time is it, B?"

Pulling my phone from the large pocket stretched over my knees, I shouted back, my voice straining over the blowing wind as twilight approached. "Almost six!"

"Okay! Time for one more and then we're outta here!" he yelled back, climbing down the platform and running to the grass behind him.

I could only watch in horror as Edward once again ascended the stairs of the platform, only this time, he carried the small bike on one of his shoulders.

"Edward? What are you doing?" I asked loudly.

"Bella, you've never seen him do this before?" Jessica asked, walking over to the bottom of the lifeguard chair. "I saw him do this earlier in the summer. You weren't there?"

"I guess not," I mumbled, her tone making me uncomfortable, even with the knowledge of my clearly established friendship with Edward. My fingers dug into the material gathered by my ankles, grasping at my hold on a piece of my friend, grounding me, and fighting off doubt. I shook my head and laughed quietly at my own ridiculousness.

"Guppiella!" Emmett bellowed, bringing my attention back to the platform. "You've got to watch this!"

Tyler was doubled over, clutching his waist, and gasping for air around his laughter. I watched in horror as Edward sat atop a small BMX bike with a wide smile.

"You're insane!" I shouted to Edward, and he flashed me a huge grin and a wave. "Don't do it!"

"Don't be such a baby, Bella. He'll be fine," Jessica drawled dramatically.

"Here goes nothing!" Edward yelled. He took off, feet pushing on the pedals, speeding toward the edge of the platform high above the water below.

I watched, mesmerized as the last remaining rays of sunlight bounced off the metal on the bike, and Edward's bare torso as he plummeted toward the deep depths of the diving well. With a giant splash and one last excited cry, he hit the water, the front tire hitting first, his body propelled forward and plunging in with an audible smack.

His audience groaned collectively, and I knew everyone was staring at the swirl of white water. The shallow waves rippled outward, eventually slapping the walls while I held my breath, waiting for Edward to resurface. All I saw was the distorted and fragmented images of silver and alabaster below the broken surface. He still hadn't come up for air.

"Shit!" Emmett called out from above, but I didn't move my gaze.

"Edward?" was shouted repeatedly from the crowd now standing at the edge of the pool and platform.

Ripping the sweatshirt over my head, I jumped from my position in the lifeguard chair, and only at the last second did I see Edward's head emerge from the water. I heard laughter as I hit the still-choppy surface. My concern dissipated, and water flowed into me in its place; my nose, my ears, and mouth drowned in wet and chlorine before I kicked to the surface once more.

Coughing and sputtering, I roughly rubbed at my eyes, attempting to clear the chemicals that stung the sensitive nerves when I saw Edward treading water next to me.

"You jerk!" I yelled as I splashed water and he cowered playfully.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to get you upset! My damn shorts got stuck on the handlebars!"

"Still, Edward! You could have gotten hurt! And you're the only fucking lifeguard here! What the hell would we have done if you actually got hurt?"

The conviction in my tone took him by surprise as his face went from amused to ashamed in mere seconds.

"But I didn't. I'm fine," he paused for a moment, and swam toward the edge of the pool. "I'm sorry."

I followed. "It's fine, Edward."

"I told you he would be fine, Bella. You didn't need to be so dramatic," Jessica said in a huff as she hung over us from the ground above.

"I know you did. Can we just forget I jumped in now?" I could feel my face flush with embarrassment.

"B, I'm sorry. But I appreciate the heroics. Sure you don't want to be a lifeguard?" Edward asked with a crooked smile. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Not right now," I replied, as I pulled myself from the water.

"Just one more thing, B."

I stopped when I heard the amusement in his voice. "Yes, oh, dumb one?"

"It looked pretty fucking cool, huh?"

"You're an idiot."

With those parting words, and a roll of my eyes in his direction, I walked away to gather my things in order to leave.

x-x-x

With a wave to Edward in his car, I went inside and noticed all of the lights were off. I shrugged, figuring my parents were running late, and I made my way upstairs where I dropped my bag in my room. Since I was alone, I didn't bother bringing anything to change into with me to the bathroom.

Turning on the water, I held my hand under the still-frigid spray as I prepared to wash away the scent of chlorine and—I realized with a small frown—the lingering scent of Edward as well.

After I showered, I returned to my room, clutching my towel close to my chest as I checked the window to ensure the blinds were drawn, blocking out the reflections of light given off by the streetlamps scattered along the street. Only the lamp on my desk and my laptop shed light into my bedroom, giving my skin an eerie glow. I dropped my towel to the floor to change into my clothes for dinner. Even when I was alone, the idea of any inch of myself uncovered made me uncomfortable, as if the world was staring at me with thousands of magnifying glasses, each one trained on both my external and internal imperfections. My mind recognized only inadequacies, the outer shell I lived within, a thinly shielding veil, one that all could see through, and every stare penetrated its fabric. Each pair of eyes left puncture wounds in the exterior, leaving my fragile self exposed to the elements, harsh words as gusts of wind, biting and clawing at my sense of confidence.

Quickly pulling my undergarments from my dresser, I laid the items on the bed before walking to my closet to pick out clothes for dinner with my parents. I looked at the clock and realized I had little time before our reservation at the restaurant, and I knew they would be back soon. The house was painfully silent in their absence, and after the haunting experience of my nightmare earlier this morning, I was uneasy with only my own movements creating noise in the dense quiet.

I opened my closet doors to retrieve the one dressy outfit I owned from within, and I stroked the soft fabric of my blouse with my eyes closed. When my mother and I purchased these clothes, she explained that wearing items such as these would help me feel strong and confident, but I always felt the opposite. Just like an actor on the grandest of stages. Beneath the costume, I was nothing more than myself - an inadequate embodiment of the character I was meant to portray.

With a resigned sigh, I grabbed the hangers from the closet and walked to my bed, placing the items down and grabbing my undergarments. I carefully stepped into my underwear, pulling the fabric over my small, boyish hips before reaching for my bra. Adjusting my miniscule chest in place and clasping the closure behind my back, I walked to the mirror to stare at myself.

My body looked nothing like how Jessica or Kate did today when they wore outfits similar to what barely clothed my figure. I resembled a piece of clay after you grasped it within your palm, the bumps, cracks, and uneven lines obvious in lopsided form. Running my hands down my skin, I noted the imperfections with a heavy breath, wanting nothing more than to find skeletal turpentine to fade marks and scratches on the canvas in the mirror staring in front of me.

"Bella?" I heard my name called out from the other side of my bedroom door.

Scrambling to get my clothes on before my mother or father could walk in, I stumbled around while covering myself with fabric. "Yeah?"

"Why must you always make things difficult? Stop moving so slowly, you're wasting my time. You're _always_ wasting time."

I froze at the words.

The tone of voice was feminine, so I assumed it to be that of my mother - the difference in pitch could have been attributed to the closed door between us - and yet the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. Words like dull knives, I was confused at the intent behind the barely hidden insults. Had I done something to upset her?

Glancing at the clock, I noted that I still had time before it was necessary to leave for dinner. I didn't want to argue with my mother on my birthday, so I opened my bedroom door and stared into the darkened hallway.

The house was still and silent, and if I thought back to the events proceeding the words I'd heard, I didn't remember hearing the alarm alerting me to another's presence within my home. It was possible that my mother was waiting in the kitchen; the area wasn't visible from my place in the doorway.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I didn't mean t-," I started, but I was interrupted. The noise made my skin tighten and my heart stop.

The alarm.

The chiming bell sounded three times from downstairs and cracked the tense air of my bedroom. Both my mother and father's light-hearted voices traveled up the stairs, and the sound seeped into my ears.

They weren't home when I heard the words before.

I has been alone.

"Bella?" My mother called out.

I remained silent and unmoving. Shaken to the core, I was frozen in my spot, feeling the blood drain from my face and pool at my feet, the sensation like cement blocks tied to my ankles. Shackles of fear.

"Bella? We're here to pick you up! Are you ready?" My mother cried from downstairs. "Bella? Are you here?" I heard the rustling of movement. "Charlie, call her cell phone. We're going to miss our reservation."

"No," I croaked. "I'm here! In a minute, Mom!" I shouted, my tone shaking with nerves.

"Well, get down here already, we need to leave!" My father's amused voice carried from the lower level of the house.

"Did you miss me, Bella? We had so much fun last night. Did you really think I'd miss your birthday?"

I didn't move. I didn't speak. That voice, those words, came from behind me, within the confines of my bedroom.

The only people with the ability to communicate through speech were currently on the ground floor of the house. I was the only thing in my bedroom with a voice.

"Bella! Come on!" Someone shouted from downstairs, and I couldn't be bothered to figure out which parent it belonged to, as I was focused solely on the words sounding from behind me. I refused to turn around and confirm my singular status.

As I somehow knew they would, words dripped in my ears like hot wax down the side of a lit candle. The meaning slid in fast, burning indents of comprehension then hardening in reality. And yet, their owner was invisible.

"Happy birthday, Bella. Enjoy it with the knowledge that it _will_ be your last."

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for your encouragement and continued support for WtWS... I'm in awe. When it came to responding to reviews, I know that I am behind, but I wanted to make sure that I wrote the actual chapter, and will be doing my best to get back to each and every one soon. Again, I cannot begin to express how blown away I am by the alerts, words, and PM's for this. Thank you.

If you feel inclined, let me know what you thought.

Until next time...

xoxo

- L -


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